Fireside Chat #2

Day 2,431, 12:28 • Published in Canada United Kingdom • by Leo Balzac

Hello, and welcome back to another edition of Fireside Chat. Today, I have a unique guest with me. He is a man who has been playing this game for some time now and has been on both sides of the pond. Lately it seems to me like he’s here to stay. So grab a spot on the couch, pour yourself your warm beverage of choice, and get ready for a chat with CptChazbeard.


LB: Welcome Chaz, I’m happy you came after what happened last time.

CCB: WEASEL TITS

LB: Err, right. Shall we get comfy on the Bearskin rug then?

CCB: WEASEL TITS

LB: Right, CptChazbeard, that is an interesting name, where did you come up with that?

CCB: About 5/6 years ago myself and a few drinking buddies started up “The Alco-Pirates Social Club” that basically involved drinking, going “Gaaaargh” an awful lot and performing 'pirate quests'.
Being the hardest drinking, loudest gaaaarghing and most bearded among the group I was chosen to lead these band of nutters and lo Captain Chazbeard was born. I liked the name so used it as my handle on all my gaming profiles.
(This is the sketch that inspired it btw: Train Pirates)

LB: Fascinating, You spent a lot of time in eUK, in fact you were eBorn there, you've dabbled in eCan before, but why stick around this time?

CCB: I've actually spent more time in eCanada this year than I have in the eUK. I only returned there upon hearing of Horice's imminent retirement so I took over his party, ran his corpse for CP, then when he came second I got into congress and tried to impeach the winner (NWG...and boy was it close!)

Upon realising that I had serious mental health issues I began wondering what country in their right mind would accept me...then it me. “The same eCountry that elected Pat Harper as president!” and so I returned to eCanada. I genuinely like the community here so unless the eUK stops trying to kill itself I can't see me leaving any time soon.

LB: Yes, we seem to like the nutters here. MuckRaker used to be such an amazing paper, you seem to have stopped publishing, is this just burnout? Or are you in search of a muse?

CCB: Without wishing to dwell on it I've been having a bloody stressful time in the big bad real World for the past few months. As such I'm in a less humorous state that I was and there's been an underlying misery in my writing.

I write hopefully to raise a few smiles and if I don't feel I can do that then I simply don't publish any articles (I have a notepad with at least 20 recently unpublished articles). It's not me being a prima donna or anything, I just feel that there is enough misery in this game with me bewailing and moping.

I'm moving house in two weeks and have taken on a lackey at work so I should be up for writing again very soon...plus WayneKerr is on holiday so I may spam the media whilst he's away.

LB: Yes, we can all use a vacation from the Wayne feller. What is your take on the eCanadian political climate when compared to eUK?

CCB: We've obviously both had serious issues with our presidents recently. Whilst ours was dealt with swiftly once his position became untenable the eUK's hasn't been resolved thus far owing to some deep rooted problems.

This difference in outcome primarily comes down to the fact that eCan's rivalries are generally based upon which direction the nation should be heading in. In the eUK however the rivalries come across as very personal and ones in which players/parties put themselves first and the overall community seems to be a trivial matter.

LB: We have our own long standing, deeply personal rivalries here too you know. Why do you think it is that eCan and eUK (who, many moons ago were allies) can never seem to extend the olive branch?

CCB: Because the eUK is run by spineless dickheads most of the time...

...more?

OK. eCan was always going to be faithful to it's allies and the eUK are absolutely dependent on Poland (not a slur, it's just how it is), so we have remained on opposite sides of the fence for quite some time. No doubt should Poland decide that she loves Canada, then the eUK will perhaps begin calling us 'brethren' and waving an MPP in our face.

eCanada has always come across as far more independently minded however so, even in this unlikely event, I don't know how willing the nation would be to welcome the eUK. They are after all a f*cking liability. (slur, but 100% fact)

LB: You're in CPF *cough* loser *cough* what was it about the Blue Moose that drew you to it?

Y'aaaargh. Damn your eyes you scurvy daaaag! I be a member of Pat's Pirate Pool Party as of last night! Ye homosexual teapot ye. Y'arrr. Gaaarrrgghh.

I was in CPF and what drew me to it was probably my unhealthy but exotic sexual desire for moose. That and they have some wonderful players among their ranks and many of them made me feel quite welcome when I first came to eCan. (This is my third visit)

LB: Man, you change parties more often than Auk Rest changes his underwear. If you've learned anything during your time here in eCan, what sticks in your mind the most?

CCB: I've learned that if something is becoming a drag in the game, try something different.

LB: *snore* my god that was a boring answer, NEXT! We've seen the meltdown of Brucie in eCan and the theft and disappearance of BigAnt in the eUK, in your mind, what is the one trait all successful CPs must have?

CCB: Alcoholism. If that's unacceptable then sense! They need common sense and sense of humour. Common sense will see them able to adapt to anything off script and a sense of humour should see them come through the crap that the role comes with smiling.

LB: A good answer, players think I’m harsh, but they either forget or weren’t around for players like Adasko and Saltydog. I heard you like salad cream, true or false?

CCB: Listen. This is a malicious rumour initiated by juvenile blockheads. I categorically deny this slanderous lie and will not comment further on the matter.

LB: You sound guilty to me Chaz. Favorite pint at the pub (when you've blown off your mates who are dying to play some DayZ with you)?

Wow that's a toughie. Right now I'm drinking an 'Amigos' and that has become a summer favourite of mine. If I had to choose one pint above all others then it would be a Stowford Press. When lounged across a pub bench nothing goes down smoother as I picture you guys getting eaten by zombies and frustrated by bugs.

LB: I’ve never heard of any of those strange brews, I shall take your word for it. Who has been your greatest influence in this game?

CCB: Horice G Fossil. I left The Real Spamicans waaaay to early but prior to that he had enough of an influence on me to keep me in the game, I see humour in the bleakest of circumstances.

He had a profound effect on many others and had it not have been for his ability to poke fun at any given circumstance, I feel the eUK would have imploded far sooner that it has done.

LB: I do miss Horice and his comics. Greatest eCanadian?

CCB: Leo_Balzac...xD LOL wtf? Jks huehuehue

No he's a dirty traitor so I'll go with Klop123_. He's always been an affable chappy so far as I've seen and puts in an incredible amount of work for eCan, asking for little to nothing in return.
He's also very level headed in his approach to worrisome matters. When others are losing their minds he keeps his wits about him and that's an increasingly rare trait in this game.

An honourable mention for the delightful ElleRoslin too. A real life canuck but made the terrible, terrible decision to become and remain an eUKer.

LB: Poor, poor Elle. Any last words Chaz?

CCB: WEASEL TITS

LB: WTF?

Well, there you have it folks, I hope you’ve all learned as much as I have today. Next week, we go full international, none of this half-breed stuff; until then.