they must not have had any presents.....

Day 1,497, 11:31 • Published in USA USA • by Marcus Oritas
Dear bodacious readers of the Groovy Gazette,


This is the only plausible explanation for all the damage ONE spent yesterday


I regret to inform you, that yesterday, when all of Terra and EDEN were out feeding the poor, Caroling, and snuggling down by the fire, ONE scrooged it up, and gained initiative on a number of fronts.

Celebrate freaking Christmas


Capitalizing on their Christmas of solitude on the internet, they now look to vanquish our glorious legions from Europe once again.



Here's where to smack them back down:


1. The Conquest of Hungary
This, along with the Baltic region, is the last front we hold momentum going into. Croatia was defeated in Poland, so now they can offer support to Bulgaria in Hungary. Unfortunately, Ukraine was defeated as well. Poland is honorably going to invade Ukraine and assist its ally instead of restoring control over Germany and France. Croatia, and Bulgaria might be able to finish the job before Polish support arrives. So be sure to give them support, or else the Balkans will be an even more chaotic region.


2. The Serbian Advance
The U.S. suffered a major defeat in the Second Battle for Aquitaine, so Serbia has been able to take control of northern Switzerland, and will probably invade France, or even Germany. If they aren't turned around soon, the Serbian Empire will probably look like Poland before our invasion, but much larger. And Serbia doesn't make territory agreements, so Germany and France could be wiped for an extended amount of time. So we need to stop them before things get out of hand.


3. The Allied Invasion of Sweden and ABC
Finland succeeded in liberating Norway, and Russia has made great progress into the heart of Sweden. Latvia has been troublesome for Russia, however, and they've distracted Russian forces from Sweden, and caused the liberation of parts of Lithuania. Romania is looking to take away Latvia's final region in Latgale, so as soon as Latvia is defeated, Russia can concentrate on Sweden, and they should be able to complete the wipe.




4. War in West Asia
Turkey has officially wiped Iran (although Hormozgan is controlled by FYROM), and are open to a range of oppurtunities now. They might invade Macedonian Emirates, Arabia, and Egypt to make a very rich empire, or possibly head through Pakistan and India to Indonesia along with China, which would be a very interesting war. In the Mediterranean, Cyprus has launched a succesful bid for control of its own island, and should be able to defeat FYROM and exist in an area with few threats now that Turkey is EDEN, and FYROM is contained by Greece, and Sinai.


5. Wars in the Southern Hemisphere
Brazil has almost removed the Indonesian prescence in South Africa, and it looks like the Indonesians are headed out because they're in the process of releasing their Australian border to South Africa to close the war. In the East, China has nearly completed their invasion of Thailand. In the Pacific, New Zealand has made peace with Australia, and attacked Chile. I expect Chile to wipe New Zealand, unless New Zealand gets support from ONE.


In conclusion, don't be worried about yesterday when ONE stole Christmas. Our position is way better then it was only a month ago. America's balls aren't in the juice maker just yet. In fact, you should be proud of yourselves for loving your family enough to sacrifice some gains we've made. You've earned some heavenly Jesus karma that will lead us to victory. Thank you all, and keep lookin' snazzy!


Offense was not intended by this article.
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