Shocking truth revealed!!

Day 1,184, 19:56 • Published in Australia Australia • by Chris Carnage

Citizens of eAustralia it is my solemn duty to report to you that our great nation is yet again under threat. Not from the raging hordes of eIndo PTOers and warmongers, not from the bitter recrimination of eNZ, but from within. I am in receipt of information that proves beyond doubt the Green and Gold Party are engaged in a despicable conspiracy to once again lay this country’s institutions to waste.

I was minding my own business on IRC the other day when I was approached by an old eChilean comrade. I promised not to reveal my source, but we’ll call him Senor Pedro. Senor Pedro had some news for me that has irrevocably shattered my trust in certain members of our society. Read these IRC logs for the startling truth:

Warning: logs may or may not be completely fabricated

Senor Pedro: Hola Comrade Carnage, you about?
Chris_Carnage: Hey Senor Pedro, how’s things?
Senor Pedro: Bueno, yourself?
Chris_Carnage: p good, what can I do for you?
Senor Pedro: I got some bad news for you bro
Senor Pedro: Some aussie hombre talked to me just now
Chris_Carnage: Which channel?
Senor Pedro: No channel, he visit me in my home
Chris_Carnage: 😮
Senor Pedro: shocking, no?
Senor Pedro: a big black van with a red stripe pull up outside my house
Senor Pedro: and this aussie hombre come out to talk to me
Chris_Carnage: what’d he look like?
Senor Pedro: grey hair, sorta pudgy, late 40’s and smokin a big cigar
Chris_Carnage: orly? sounds like George Peppard...
Senor Pedro: and this other dude, tall, bright red afro, round red nose, long boots...
Senor Pedro: ...looked like Ronaldino Macdonald
Chris_Carnage: orly? sounds like... 😮
Senor Pedro: So anyways, these hombres start to threaten me
Senor Pedro: Tell me I gotta tank in Zona Austral
Chris_Carnage: fer srs?
Senor Pedro: Tell me we gotta take Zona Austral, then Otago, then attack mainland eAus
Senor Pedro: Says he wanna wipe eAus from the map and install a military dictatorship
Chris_Carnage: 😮 what’d you say?
Senor Pedro: What could I say? He threatened my family, my kids
Chris_Carnage: Despicable creature! He must be brought to justice!
Senor Pedro: Says when eAus is wiped he gonna murder all his enemies and take over
Senor Pedro: Make a military dictatorship
Chris_Carnage: Scoundrel!
Senor Pedro: oppress the people
Chris_Carnage: Blaggard!
Senor Pedro: steal the gold
Chris_Carnage: Thief!
Senor Pedro: Kept sayin’ he love it when a plan comes together...

My source went on to reveal that these traitorous creatures not only threatened his family, but demonstrated dubious sexuality, ignoring the beauty of his wife while making salacious comments towards Pedro himself.

People of eAustralia, I put it to you that the treasonous fiends described in these logs are none other than president of the Green and Gold Party, Hanibal Smith, and his co-conspirator Crowded House. I for one will not stand idly by while those lecherous oldfags destroy everything we’ve fought for and turn this great democracy into a gay military dictatorship !!.

Having raised my concerns with the DIY Party executive committee on important stuff it is my solemn duty to declare war on the Green and Gold Party!

Hanibal Smith enjoys a little man love with members of GnG