Join the new world

So I'm writing this SciFi thing for my school. It's due a few days from now and I want you guys to read it and tell me what you think about it. I figured that opinions from over the country can be extremely useful. It's going to be pretty long so you might lose focus but please bear with me. Here goes.


May 13th 2358 AD

I was surprised when my application for a ticket to Sector 5 was denied. But then again, with huge amount of human population, I guess even space colonies are over populated. I heard about the commission of 3 more colonies. I seriously hope they will be out in my life time. Earth today is unbearable. Pollution is literally everywhere. The face of the planet suffers from over cropping. Half of the food earth receives are neither from the colonies or the moon. Now the moon has it's own issues. Ever since the opening of Neo Shangri-la, 90 years ago, hundreds of cities have been placed on the surface of that rock satellite of ours. Sure, the moon is now the new paradise, but how long it'll last? The last time the scientists talk about the "endurance" of the earth was 2 years before the the "hole" in the ozone layer started to spread dramatically. It's only a matter of time before the moon literally become the earth we have now. And those fertilizers, one day they'll run out too. I don't even want to think what they'll use to plant crops when that happens.

Now, Sector 5, that's something. S5 is currently the newest colonies and the only one so far designed with a biometric sensor. Even to this day, bio-sensors, as they came to be called, fascinates me. Can you believe that a robot the size of an atom exist? I've heard that it's probably the most advance thing as far as we know, even more advance than the hyperdrive propulsion technology which allows us to travel at the speed of light. Now, S5's bio-sensors have the power to literally, "read-your-mind." What they do is that they place one of those robots inside your brain. Yes, inside your head. One is enough to read your thoughts and transfer the message through out your body. Now the point of that is to push human beings closer to evolution. The robots controls your body and push you to your limit, and ultimately, break you limit. Humans beings by them self does not have super strong willpower, the robots are build to work, nothing else but work. It won't stop until the task is completely done. Now, the really unbelievable thing is what it does to your body. Your organic system will be changed and completely adapted to the bio-sensors that if you run ten miles none stop, you won't feel tired! Really, it's almost as if you're becoming the robot yourself. Exactly how this technology was created, I have no clue, all I know was that some professor named Alfred Schoenberg. When it first came out, everybody was scared and the price for that atom sized robot will bring fear and exaggeration to a whole new level. Then, S5 came in the picture, It offered free bio-sensors! The United Nations Reform League was probably desperate for mass test subjects. Of course, all those who went to S5 know they are being used as guinea pigs.

Going back to the issues of space colonization and future consequences that the colonies might suffer, I'm sure it's the main motivation for people to travel to S5. At least that was my motivation. If human beings can be brought to a new level, I would do it. Humans will be more adapted to space than ever before. We might be a step closer to perfection. Issues can be solved by more intelligent humans. We might even develop to a point that we become immune to fatal diseases. The bio-sensors will lead us to become the ultimate survivors! Animals have always evolved to become more complex and better than before. I believe we can evolve to become better, stronger, and more intelligent life forms. One denial won't hurt me, I won't give up. After all, space is our final frontier.


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20 years later, this journal entry written by the last person to be installed with the bio-sensor was read by the creator of the bio-sensors. "He puts me to shame." was the last words spoken by Professor Alfred Schoenberg.

Titanic, the mother system of all bio-sensors at this time, has already went berserk after a failed system renew trial. The so called "fault-intolerant"system broke down completely . At that time over 70% of the human population were equipped with the bio-sensor. More than half the world's population, men and women, felled into a deep slumber.


What you guys think? Was it horrible? Was it decent? Was it good? Or was it epic? Any advices are welcomed. Also, I need a title for this too. Any suggestions?