Join the new world

This is my first article and I'm ticked because my session times out when I wrote the last one. Faggardly internet! What happened to the morse code machine?

A gobbling beard is better than no beard at all!

Here is some music to accompany your reading (or just listen to the music):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgSTJj20yLA

I would like to announce that I am running for Congress to serve my beloved eUSA!

To 'trim' the 'excess' off of this article so your reading will not be too 'hairy,' I will not give you the fu man chu, but will be brief...

Why is my why do I run running for, huh?

1. Money, its a drag (two bits)
While our economy looks like a prom queen the next morning in church, we can help our MU's a little by increasing the taxes on import raws.

2. Around the world around the world (in a digital daftpunk voice)
A. Alliances: Yes, it is needful to be in an alliance of some sort to get more tank for the battle-button-push. However, our sovereignty is key to our relationship to any other eNation-state. We love to have roadies along the journey, but they are for the enjoyment of the ride and to share driving whilst we are passed out. Then they move on. Kind of like (insert personal story here).

B. War (huh, what is it good for, absolutely everything in eRep!): Hit em hard, fast, and where it counts-- and DO NOT, I say, never fight fair. Never make a bearded man angry, for you might have to call the amberlamps.


3. Work (and a haircut)
While Congress exists to get shiny non-existent medals to get non-exorbitant gold and thus be more eCooler and more eFaggerdy than others, I will do my best to work my beard into a frothy sweaty shiny mess for you. Congress exists to serve the WORKERS-- and if you are active and reading this, that is YOU. I will work for food and YOU. Your voice will be heard and your views appreciated.

4. Muttonchops (shave)
While I will never work for you while Krunk or Sloshed, I give you my word. READ MY LIPPPS, NO DRUNK WORKDAYS. While whiskey is good for fighting and vodka good for Russhing around and beer is good for Gartens, I will only drink non-alcoholic O'Douls while I am on the clock for you!
Also, I will make it my e-Life's purpose to fight against the plague of shaven-faced Neo-German Liberalism which swam on shaven-faced ocean creatures to this once Bearded nation a hundred or so years ago. That plague took our American Manes, held them down, and de-faced our hairy cheeks. We must never let this happen again. And I will not rest until American men learn to embrace their follicles of greatness. Yes, I will join the effort to fight against the shaven-faced boyish looks of RGR and his ilk. Yes, I will denounce the use of razors for the purpose of shaving with the grain! Yes, we must unite! Workers with beards! Ladies, if you are into licking unbearded faces, you don't know what you are missing until you lick against the grain in an upward motion. Never fear the stubble, give it time and it will be like soft, golden silk! Be patient, please.

And if you're not into that, I must provide some Victorian broad beauties I saw on my way to the office today! I believe they were going out to bathe! (that is swim for all you newbies to Victorian society)

Real women who bring joy to bearded men:


Please msg me if you have questions-- find me in the forum, IRC, or in game!

My wife and I on the campaign trail: