A juicy Odyssey of war

Day 1,474, 19:46 • Published in USA USA • by Marcus Oritas

A long, long time ago, when the War Module was first introduced, the ass kicking eUS went to war with eCanada. It was one of the very first wars, and it all started when the Mothers Against Canada initiated an evil campaign to kill Terrance and Phillip. Indeed, they were captured on the Conan O'Brien show, and sentenced to death. Canada promptly bombed the Baldwins, and so it had escalated into a full-scale war.


South Park is the official news outlet for my glorious state of Colorado.

However, as Saddam Hussein rose and prepared to take over the world, Cartman discovered that his V-Chip allowed him to electrocute Saddam. Satan, grateful Kenny's moral support in defeating Saddam, granted Kenny one wish. He wished for everything to be the way it used to be.

The friendship of the United States and Canada was first pioneered by Tony Kornheiser on Pardon The Interruption, and the other guy. He managed somehow to entertain America, while soothing Canada to sleep each night.
This friendship has indeed translated into the game.


Our relationship was firmly cemented when Avios, a noble from the Northern Realm, bravely defended my patriotic article here. http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/the-unconquerable-usa-1915386/1/20#comments
And he fought the Polish ghoul, Batreh, in a fierce battle in the comments section.





The Canticle of Origin

“In the beginning, there was only farming. Then Plato came down from the sky, and punished the farmers, not with famine, but the War Module. Brothers depleted the health of brothers, that would otherwise have given life in the soil. It was then there came distinction between “The Sons of Light (they who remain in the garden of EDEN) and Darkness.
Eventually, it came down to two warring heavenly factions- EDEN and Peace. But Peace was really motivated for chaos and utter bedlam. War turned to war, until Peace became Phoenix. They were again defeated.

Then those of both Phoenix and EDEN became corrupted by their own power. Poland, Spain, and Sweden left for darkness, attracted by the power of Serbia and Hungary. They formed ONE in order to try to fulfill the prophetic call of a thousand years of darkness. (so each day we are not occupying a ONE nation, they search for a way to awaken Cthulu, in the desert, and fulfill said prophecy).

So EDEN is like the Catholic Church, ancient, holy, with occasional incidence of corruption. But Terra, came out of it like the Protestant church, allied with EDEN, (because they both like Jesus) and morally correct to a higher degree (but I’m a Catholic so that analogy does not appeal to me).


You may ask how these vain nations were cursed. Of course they must have.
And so it is so-

Poland, Spain, and Sweden- “They who hath forsuketh, thee.”
They were cursed according to their habitiats.

Poland- Ghoulish soothsayers, who dwell in the Dead Marshes of Pomerania, and the mines of the Carpathians (like Moria)

Spain- Sand Monkeys with spunky sass, and saucy snazz.

Sweden- They were already Vikings. Now they're vampire Vikings.

Turkey-"Those without the stiff of back."
This is like the 5th time I've written about how they need to hang out with other friends, and I'm done now. But they were cursed with a nasty case of the runs.

The U.K.- "Traitorous traitors."
Truly, truly, it is so, they are the eVersion of what France is in RL.


Despite the fall of such knights, there were those who rose from the darkness.

Russia- "Like Darth Vader at his end."
There was this Russian exchange student who gave a presentation at my school. She told us about the origin of her town’s name, Kurgan, (which means ‘grave’) through a long story about all the marauding, injustice, killing, raping, and pillaging that went around there. The red in their flag also stands for blood, and I believe the only other countries that have done that are Sub-Saharan African countries.
So it’s understandable why they were bad guys for a time.



Colombia-"Loco Brocos."
They truly invaded us once.

(I'll add a little more poetic juice here in a bit)

And so it was that the Sons of Light and Darkness struggle onward onto this day.”



I was going to go in to detail but no I’m really tired and my Computer’s really burning hot, and I wan't to watch Scary Movie so I’m taking a break. I mean this is a long article. So stay tuned if all that was just orgasmafantastic.