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White House Press Report – Day 3,200: Congress, Pacifica, and More


^{A domestic program as well as President Resoula's defense for his various hit and runs}


Dateline: Wednesday, August 24th (Day 3,200)
Location: James S. Brady Press Room, The White House

Today’s WHPR
1. Congress Elections Happen
2. New Pacifica SG, Presumably Same Ocean
3. Poetry and Airplanes and Mayhem, Oh My!



Congress Elections Happen. Weary Nation Avoids Shout Feed
^{Congressional Janitor Paul Proteus}

In preparation for a monthly ritual involving blood, animal sacrifice, demonic chanting, and a considerable amount of obnoxious shouting, the nation readies itself for another Congressional election. On August 25th, eMurricans will go to the polls and cast their ballots for which party they trust to govern the nation, and sh**post in between passing the budget.


^{And still, fake congress never fails to live up to its impressive real world counterpart}

As the game has for many years now presented us with a parliamentary system, unAmerican as that may be, each citizen simply votes for a party, which independently selects the candidates representing said party in Congress. On the bright side, it's easy, so there's that.

So remember to vote, and exercise your civic duty. There will be no sticker, as that has been cut from the budget along with rainy's pony. Boo Congress. Boo.



New Pacifica SG, Presumably Same Ocean
^{Known Cartographer Paul Proteus}

As Americans, it can be hard to understand what exists beyond our borders. And as soon as we think we're getting a grasp on what the Pacific Ocean is we're told that we're ignorant and have no idea what we're talking about. So first, to clear up some confusion, the WHPR would like to be the first to correct the misconception that Pacifica is a large body of saline water. Rather, PACIFICA is a military alliance of which the eUS is a part of.


^{As it turns out, this is NOT the logo for the largest of the Earth's oceanic divisions, extending from the Arctic Ocean in the north to the Southern Ocean (or, depending on definition, to Antarctica) in the south and bounded by Asia and Australia in the west and the Americas in the east, covering about 46% of the Earth's water surface and about one-third of its total surface area.}

And beyond this simple correction, a new Secretary General of Pacifica has recently been elected. It's kind of like a new Aquaman, if Pacifica were an Ocean. Metaphors are important to learning. Anyway, the tl;dr:

Najala of Hungary was unanimously elected as Secretary General of Pacifica after recent Alliance meetings to replace previous the previous SG, Prophet.

The WHPR wishes Najala well, and can only pray he utilizes his newfound power over the tides and telepathic link to all aquatic life for good, and not for evil.




Poets and Pilots Join Together in Alliterative Mayhem
^{Archduke Paul Proteus, Official Holder of Titles}

Just when experts had reported a stabilization of the markets and mayhem-related deaths, President Resoula has threatened the nation with two more Mayhem-inducing events to be announced tomorrow.

The two new events are to be announced tomorrow in the President's newspaper, and are expected to bring rioting to the streets at once.


^{Picture😛 Citizens gearing up for airplane related mayhem.}

Of the two events, looters close to the President have informed us that one is to be an airplane juggernaut event where large quantities of gold will be rewarded (stolen? something like that) for killing your fellow citizens, and then presumably decorating your plane with their blood.

The other, more nefarious event, is to be a writing competition of...poetry. Poetry has been known to cause Mayhem in many cases, particularly when it's bad poetry. Many a poet has been stoned to death, or has written bad poetry while stoned. Either way, there's undoubtedly dangerous mayhem.

Continue to listen to eNPR every Wednesday night, follow the President's paper for specifics on these exciting Domestic events, and enjoy the rioting while it lasts.

That's all your WHPR for today. Tune in next time to find out who killed Laura Palmer



Your White House Media Team:

Minister of Propaganda, Paul Proteus



Official WHPR Ghost: Aramec

Shout this! (you know you want to)

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