Plato Runs Out of Things To Ruin

Day 3,386, 18:22 • Published in USA USA • by Gnilraps
Day 3386 of the New World
February 26, 2017


Plato Runs Out of Things To Ruin


According to sources close to Plato, the silver-haired personality driving the engine of eRepulik has finally exhausted his list of things to ruin about eRepublik.

“The introduction of the Dictatorship Module was supposed to kill it off entirely,” said one administrator who chose to remain anonymous, adding, “but when eNations seemed to embrace it to their advantage, Plato realized he would have to kill off the very thing he thought would kill off eRepublik.”

The stark realization that there was literally nothing left for Plato to ruin comes at the long end of a multi-year campaign to systemmatically destroy every aspect of eRepublik that ever actually appealed to the poor bastards who made the mistake of ever playing it to begin with.

“At first there was quite a lot of excitement around the office as the list of features slated for Plato to completely screw up by unceremoniously dismantling the precise dynamics that at one time made eRepublik a modestly interesting game was announced,” said one of eRepublik’s code writers, “we saw opportunities to troll countless eCitizens by removing every vestige of complexity from the game to the extent where the red “Fight” button was the only meaningful mechanic remaining. Now that we’ve finally reached that point there’s just kind of been a gigantic corporate sigh.”

“Whelp, I guess that about covers em. I can’t believe I ran through them all already.” Plato commented, indicating an emotional relief that it was finally over.

“I really hope they’ll give me an important role in Tactical Heroes pretty soon so I can begin work on screwing up that game too,” said a despondent Plato. “What else am I supposed to do now that eRepublik is dead?”

At publication time, our reporters were monitoring the situation as Plato was seen beating on Alexis Bonte’s office door repeating, “Give me something else to destroy! It’s what I do best!”






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