Join the new world

Inspired by the new military unit of the same name, Kiwi Squad is an old-school 2D action cartoon for ages 8-12 that's bound to also be enjoyed by college-agers and single men in their 40's. It's animation style, campy dialogue, and techno music will inspire nostalgia of 1980's cartoons in its viewers (obviously we mean the older ones), at least, that's what its studio seems to be aiming for.

Kiwi Squad is slated to feature a wide range of characters. First up is Kiwi Squad's tall, blonde, and bearded squad leader, Colonel Jamison Cook. Next is his Number 2, the bald, one-eyed Major Ben Darren Gaughn. Despite wielding two laser rifles and having 28 grenades strapped to his chest, Major Ben's primary function in the unit seems to be delivering campy one-liners designed to make the audience groan. Next up is Lieutenant Rangi, the jetpack-flying Maori warrior complete with facial tattoos. He's followed by the femme fatale and only woman in the entire show with a speaking part, Sergeant Isabelle Candace “Candy” Williams. The fifth member of the squad is a mute Aussie known only as “Bushwhacker” who gets killed off in the second episode, because no one cares about Australia.

But nobody cares about any of those other people either, because the real star is their pet kiwi named Corporal Kiwi (the studio's creativity budget was clearly spent by this point). Corporal Kiwi joins the team on their missions by wielding weapons strapped to his back. These weapons range from gatling guns to RPG launchers and bazookas. In some episodes, Corporal Kiwi commandeers vehicles ranging from tanks to helicopters, jets, and even spaceships, all of which he pilots by using his feet. Let's be real, folks, this show is all about the kiwi commando, and the humans are just there for decoration and dialogue, though admittedly, the flying Maori is kinda cool.

The studio has also announced intentions to expand the Kiwi Squad product line beyond Saturday morning cartoons (or late night cartoons depending on the viewership ratio of 8-12 year olds compared with men in their 40's). Expected in the line up of products are comic strips, comic books, poseable action figures, and a feature length movie starring Nicolas Cage, John Lithgow, and Christopher Walken.

We at the Canterbury Courier see this proposed product line up as a sign the studio is expanding too quickly. We project the project will become financially insolvent around Easter next year, a timing that may inspire the studio to try again with a military unit from a different island.