KEEP CALM. Vote for Stormin'

Day 5,978, 16:15 • Published in USA USA • by Socialist Freedom Party
Keep Calm. Vote for Stormin.

eRep Day 5979

Song of the week:

Brothers, Sisters
We don't need that fascist groove thing!


Un-retouched image of the extraterrestial creature known as 'Iamthedanger'

🚨 EMERGENCY ALERT 🚨
Hold onto Your Butts. Vote for Stormin'.

Listen up, citizens! There's a storm brewing, but it ain't the kind you'll find in your grandma's teacup. No, this is a shitstorm of epic proportions, and it goes by the name of Iamthedanger. Sounds ominous, right? Well, strap in, folks, 'cause we're about to debunk this whole farce faster than you can say "fascist fever dream."

Now, some folks out there are crying wolf, claiming our beloved Union is on the brink of collapse. But let me tell you, the only thing collapsing here is their sense of reality.


Our current administration, led by the one and only Stormin' Ewok Jedi, has been holding down the fort just fine. Sure, they've ruffled a few feathers along the way, but that's just the price of progress, baby. For example it has made a perfectly logical choice to respond to those "anarchists" who don't want to fund the federal government at all by setting them free from having to feed at the government's goodie-basket delivery system.

Horrors! Oppression! Tyranny!

And speaking of oppression and tyranny, let's talk about this so-called "PTO attempt" on our beloved Black Sheep. Seriously? Last time I checked, joining a party and expressing a desire for change wasn't exactly treason. But hey, maybe I missed the memo on that one. Either way, the only thing being threatened here is our collective intelligence. Has there been any noticeable movement of hostile undersireables into the BSP? No. Rather the opposite; the party has dropped to the Number Five position.


This is feeling more and more like a tempest in a teapot.

But wait, it gets better. Enter stage left: Iamthedanger. With a name like that, you'd expect some serious villainy, right? Wrong. This guy's track record is about as impressive as a wet sock. Two articles in 13 years? Really? Sorry, pal, but we're not buying what you're selling.


And now the Federalists have published rather odd articles that sound like they were written by hostages strapped into a chair, reading prepared statements. One looks carefully through the texts for some secret sign, perhaps an equivalent of the captive blinking "Please help me!" in Morse Code, something indicating that the writer is being held against their will by a stickup artist or plunderer of some sort.

Now, Iamthedanger may talk the talk, but when it comes to walking the walk, he's about as graceful as a three-legged horse in a ballet. Stormin', on the other hand, is the real deal. Approachable, reputable, and not afraid to get his hands dirty (metaphorically speaking, of course).



So who is this "Danger" character? He is scary-looking and evidently doesn't like writing articles. But maybe there's some other qualities we're missing. So we checked around. The reports we got back were not encouraging. The picture one gets is of a whale with a bad attitude, dismissive of "regular" players, and a tendency, frankly, to be a bit of a jerk.

Creating hysteria. Fomenting discord. Not presenting a single reason to rule other than "Stormin Bad". ?? We call bullshit. There is no reason to vote this guy in.



So. Why IS this going on? There's only one rational explanation: Iamthedanger is in fact an alien from the planet Draco!! (Similar to Mitch McConnell, Lauren Boebert and Mike Johnson.)

Once we realized this was the case, the SFP deployed its crack team of intergalactic pararazzi and snapped a pic of the "candidate" in its natural form. Turns out he is not even a lizard, but a robo-cop kind of machine-thing. The SFP has been in the business of allying with proletarian alien robots for years, so we recognize a bourgeois-imperial fascist one when we see it.



TLDR summary: Iamthedanger is nothing more than a space invader from planet Draco, here to wreak havoc on our beloved Union. But fear not, fellow citizens, as always we in the SFP will not go quietly into the night. We will stand tall, we will resist the danger, and we will vote for Stormin' like our lives depend on it.

Because in times like these, there's only one thing we need to remember: Keep calm, support the peoples' government, and for the love of all that's holy, don't shit your pants.

Keep Calm! Support the Peoples' Government, Resist the Danger




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