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This article is a satire, which means if you don't like it, you probably just don't get it



Fellow reader of Goodbye Blue Monday, there are times when one meets an adversary of great skill. Lincoln had to debate Douglas. Sherlock Holmes had to catch Moriarty. Luke had to uh become pals with ghost Darth Vader. Or something. The point is I have long searched for an opponent of true rhetorical skill to match wits with, and long have I been disappointed.

Well reader, I search no more. Finally, at long last, I have found such a foe. chickensguys recently published an article titled ``What is to be done.'' Now, that was rude, as I used that title 8 years ago, which everyone obviously knows. It is like wearing the same outfit to a party. You just don't do it. It's gauche. It's throwing a gauntlet.


^{chickensguys pictured above brutally owning the Feds using facts and logic}

So, there is only one possible reaction available to me to save my dignity. I have prepared an elaborate point by point response to CG's article. Such a herculean task will not be easy. It may take tomes of well reasoned debate, hours of research, and more toil than I have ever known.

Still, I believe I am up to the task. Let's begin.



Thankfully, much like a middle schooler entering an essay contest on the importance of recycling, chickensguys wrote his article as a bulleted list with like four bullets. This is helpful, as it allows me to respond in kind without having to actually think.

Additionally, I will cherry pick wildly, as cherries are delicious. So let's have at it:

1. "So long as Congress remains subservient to PiginZen, Congress can never be an independent branch. Forum rules, not Congressional rules, dictate decorum."

I see. This Pig sounds like a bad guy. But wait. Literally name the last time PigInZen moderated Congress. The answer is something like...never. As far back as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a gangster congress has only actually been moderated by the elected speaker team. I'm fairly certain Pig does not care in the slightest about what fake congress is up to. Oh, is this not actually about the guy who owns the forums but also quit years ago, is absent all the time, and not actually a factor in day to day content moderation? I'm no detective, but mayhaps it's actually about someone being banned?

Hmmm, who is banned from the forum.... This clearly isn't about rainy being banned from the forums, which was sad, because CG's article bizarrely goes out of the way to claim she is everything wrong with the forum for some reason.

Oh, I get it. It's about chickensguys being banned from the forum. Ahh, I see. Maybe a reasonable objection, if entirely unstated. Although...I think you're only allowed to make this point if you explain in detail why you're banned.

Is it, as Goalie said, "RL harassing pig via texts, violating the forum content policy, [CG's own] request for permaban?" Or was that for his first ban before he got a second chance? Who knows. It all sounds very unfair and confusing, getting multiple chances and being banned a lot. Please explain more chickensguys, an eager public awaits.

Still, certainly not a reason to swear off forums altogether, as CG's statement does. Let's continue.

2. "As the game shrinks, we should open the door to players not close the door"

Ah very nice point. I agree. Good lofty rhetoric. Luckily CG definitely will never contradict it directly in 3...2...1...

3. "The forum has been used to create non-elected voting "delegates" to solidify meta control and sway close votes in a way that is not representative of the actual voters' will."

Yes, chickensguys claims he wants to involve more players, so his gripe with the forum is that the democratically elected congress passed a law to allow more players to be involved. This is very smart and good logic.

4. "Finally, no good reason exists to deny in game voting."

In fact there is in-game voting. We brilliant meta villains have failed to remove it. Because it's a game mechanic. Sad, I know. One day we will.


^{Wait, what is this? This isn't a group message thread filled with random ad-hom attacks. Weird. Do you think CG knows about it???}

The voting on the forum is for laws that can't be passed in-game. These are sometimes referred to by French philosophers with fancy mustaches as meta laws. Of course then, there is no good reason for laws that are meta to be voted on in the game's extremely bad messaging system. After all, Plato in his infinite wisdom designed in-game threads for messaging (and identifying bicycles and stop signs for the captcha, which is about as fun as the rest of the site is to be honest), and not for voting. Checkmate people. Game, set, checkers.



Wait.

This article wasn't long at all.

Could it be that chickenguys' article was not the foe I thought it was, but actually kind of vapid and insincere?

The search for a foe continues. In the next edition of Goodbye Blue Monday, in order to go after Phoenix Quinn I quit my job and dedicate 100% of my time to reading post-Marxist theory so I get 10% his references.

That's all. If you hated it, I don't care. It's 2021. We're all pixels in the wind.