[台灣熊報外電] 美國 － 行動代號：花木蘭２　

Day 2,030, 22:43 • Published in Republic of China (Taiwan) China • by peterbear788

原作者：Tenshibo (美國總統)

原文連結: 點擊這裡



America, it’s time for war.

這是美國參戰的時候了!

As anyone who has looked at the map in the past week knows, our brothers to the north (the other north) have been in a long hard fought war against Hungary. Despite valiant efforts, Russia has been unable to fight back the Hungarian invasion. Given their current situation, Russian President MinPRO contacted both myself, and CoT Supreme Comander LitoII inquiring about direct involvement from the eUS in this war.

如果你們在這個星期有看看地圖的話，你會發現我們北方的好兄弟（指俄羅斯）正在與匈牙利進行一場既漫長又艱苦的大戰。雖然俄羅斯英勇奮戰，但他們仍然無法抵抗匈牙利的入侵。就這個事態發展，俄羅斯總統MinPRO已經聯絡上本人（美國總統）以及COT最高司令長官 Litoll，我們已經就美國直接參戰的可能性作出討論。

The answer was obvious. America stands by its allies, and so, we’re standing by Russia to kick back Hungary.

答案是顯而易見的，美國會為盟友站出來，我們會協助俄羅斯向匈牙利作出反擊！



Despite resident TWO scum from the AFA trying to prevent us from aiding Russia, today when the ability to propose a Natural Enemy was granted, we successfully proposed a Natural Enemy. Due to a border in Far Eastern Russia being established by Hungary taking it, we’ll be sweeping across Hungry Hippo-occupied Russia from the east, straight into the heart of of beast. So, congratulations are in order; your own hunger has led to your inevitable wiping Hungary. Kudos.

即使TWO這些敗類企圖阻止我們幫助俄羅斯，但今天我們已經成功提出並通過了天敵法案。由於匈牙利已經佔領了俄羅斯東部的廣泛區域，我們會從東面向著俄羅斯被佔領的區域席捲而來，一直殺到心臟地帶。所以，恭喜匈牙利，你的渴望導致你將面臨無可避免的失敗。



Early video of the Hungarians running from the superior American force.

以上是匈牙利人面對美國軍隊時的逃跑預告片段。

This whole thing however leads to a great question... what was Hungary thinking? It is no secret that America and Russia are bros, there was even a whole document about how Russia was the Bear of awesomeness to our Eagle of freedom. Unless Hungary lacks the ability to read (which is quite possible, anyone who’s played Hungary Hungary Hipposes knows you’re one false move away from having a ball penetrate your eye socket) then they knew full well that we would be deliver to them the same size 12 J’s we penetrated Serbia with a week ago. But, I have a few theories on this:

整件事情引發了一個很大的疑問，究竟匈牙利是怎麼想的？毫無疑問地美國跟俄羅斯是朋友，我們甚至有一份名為「熊鷹協議」的文件存在。除非匈牙利有閱讀障礙（這是很有可能的，任何人有玩過Hungary Hungary Hipposes 『餵食小河馬』都知道你會使用假動作來避開那個即將穿透你眼圈的球），那他們應該知道我們會送一個跟上星期穿透塞爾維亞時相同尺寸的球給他們，對此我有以下的假設：

Theory 1: Hungary really wanted to be wiped. Let’s be honest here, no one likes being left unwiped, that’s why we have toilet paper. But, due to tough economic times, Hungary must have run out of the aforementioned rectal cleansers, so, they attacked Russia HOPING we’d wipe them, so they could be squeaky clean again.

假設１：匈牙利真的想被清潔一番，坦白地說，沒有人喜歡那裡拭不乾淨的，所以我們才有衛生紙這東西。不過，因為現在經濟不景，匈牙利可能已經沒有足夠的直腸清潔劑來清潔，所以他們攻打俄羅斯，希望我們去幫他們清潔一下，使他們變得乾乾淨淨。

Theory 2: They thought they could bribe us. It is a well known fact that my Chief of Staff Israel Stevens is a fan of his vodka. So maybe they thought they could give us free vodka in exchange for not attacking them. This is a truly admirable plan, if it weren’t for the fact that Mexico has been sending us Tequila since day one of the term. We’re set for alcohol. (That isn’t a joke. They sent me cake and tequila day one \o/) But, good play nonetheless Hungary.

假設２：匈牙利以為能夠買通我們，眾所周知我的總理Israel Stevens 是一個伏特加酒的愛好者，所以可能他們以為可以用伏特加來收買我們，使我們不去打他們，這真是一個使人欽佩的計畫，如果不是墨西哥在協議的第一天已經送給我們龍舌蘭酒的話，我們可能會為酒精而動容（這不是一個玩笑，他們在第一天寄了蛋糕和龍舌蘭酒），然而，算你想得好。

Theory 3: Hungary thought the world really was flat. This is wholeheartedly understand. Looking at the following map:

假設３：匈牙利以為世界真的是平的，這是能夠理解的，大家看看下面的地圖：



I could totally imagine the world being flat. I mean, look at it! ONLY TWO DIMENSIONS! There’s no way that Hungary could border America by being in Russia...

我完全可以想像得到這個世界真的是平的（他指不是圓的），我意思是，只有２Ｄ！匈牙利根本沒有辦法可以阻擋美國去進入俄羅斯．．．



DAMN YOU 3-DIMENSIONAL PLANES!!!

該死的３Ｄ平面！！！



All joking aside, I for one am quite excited to be attacking Hungary. Besides Serbian scum, Hungarian scum is number two on my list of most disliked countries. Messing with Russia was truly a stupid thing for them to do, one for which, they shall pay dearly for. When the time comes to strike, I look forward to seeing my fellow Americans and allies on the battlefield to defend our Russian bros o7

玩笑歸玩笑，對我個人來說，我很高興能夠攻擊匈牙利，除了塞爾維亞人這些敗類之外，匈牙利這些敗類是我那張黑名單上的第二名，攻擊俄羅斯真的是一個愚蠢行為，他們將付出沉重的代價。當戰爭開始時，我期望看到眾美國同胞以及我們的盟友在戰場上為保衛俄羅斯而戰！ｏ７

Until then, swag out America,

-Tenshibo
President of the eUS

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

首先，這是創版號，首次翻譯，其實有些地方是看不懂，特別是什麼匈牙利河馬那個，希望大家見諒。

其次，美國又找到一個藉口去參戰了，為什麼這個國家無論在現實還是網絡世界，都喜歡參戰？一定是金太多燒不完。

再說，美國總統的文筆感到強烈的口水戰意味，個人覺得已經脫離了鼓舞士氣的程度。

隨著ＴＷＯ跟ＣＯＴ的戰鼓不停被打響，ｅＲＯＣ的前路會是如何呢？我們一起向著未來前進吧！ｏ７