So

Day 2,209, 21:06 Published in Canada Canada by Shoi12

I noticed an article under my name for the foreign affairs department?

Y'all can have fun, idgaf. BUT if you're gonna troll, at least do it well. Frankly, I'm offended that some of my friends thought I could put out such filth on the nets. Ain't got none 'a my style, my verse control. But whatevs, your foolishness will be thy downfall! *evil laugh here*

But yes. How do you imitate me properly?

Let's see what this friend of ours did wrong ~

Remember, he's trying to be me on the foreign affairs newspaper. Of course, I don't use it because it has crap for subs so no one would read it, and I have a healthy enough fanbase here on my newspaper (ty you guys btw ) that everyone globally would hear what I say, not just our nation. And since my job is foreign affairs, it's usually good to involve other nations. But let's say I wanted to switch to using the MoFA newspaper, which I do wanna do. At least write like me! If you wanna be a troll, at least troll with skill.

Now, les erreurs!

1. No ohayou at the beginning of the article, and no o/-ing either. It's a signature trait, be wise! Never forget! YOU FOOLS

2. I have my own MoFA tag, remember? Why on earth would I waste such a beautiful image expertly drawn on a high-quality premium pixel-drawing program?

It's SO SHINY!!!!
I use this any chance I get! Hell I ain't forgettin it!

3. Y'all know I write in slang, and really bad slang. There's no Frenchified English, no 'y'all's, no jabs at losers within the country (insert Ardy here), no hubris (yeah, look it up, fools), no condescension, and no overtly illogical metaphors that make no sense. My writing style is as unique as your favorite food's rich aroma and texture, generating endorphins throughout the cerebral cortex in an oh-so-satisfying manner.

But I digress. Y'all might not know my writing style, so let's break this down further, because that's just what we do here.

"Hey folks, since I'm MoFA again I will waste no time in informing you guys on something that has been in the works and has just been confirmed, ya I know we work fast 😃"

Okay, I like the smiley. That's my style, I dig. But first off, I'd say hi with my name, since I wasn't MoFA last month. You know, provide information outright so that it's not confusing. Saiyan that I'm "MoFA again" would imply that I was MoFA last month, and I wasn't. You could argue that I'd be saiyan that I'm MoFA again as in this being a regular occurrence, which is true, but then I'd yell at Oinyo for not crawling on his knees for my services. Now, you would also put a semi-colon after "confirmed" because the previous jumbles of ink form a complete sentence. And besides, "ya" is not part of my vernacular. I'd rather say something like "we work fast, but what'd you expect, you spastics?"

Now, the theme music. THIS is theme music, not the trash war music you were unfortunately subjected to. You poor miscreants. My music rocks, idk watchu talk bout~

"Alright so as you know Poland and Spain have given the green light to eCanada and eUK haveing a war. Only thing that was missing last term was that eUK's CP was to scared. There is salvation though! With the rise of ChewChewShoe to the eUK CP spot we have someone who wants war with eCanada."

This is in direct contradiction with the statement that the war has "just been confirmed". How would the loving, adoring masses know such a dirty little secret if it's just been confirmed? Do they know something the cabinet doesn't? Second, "haveing" is not a word. The word is "having", from the root verb "to have". "Only thing that was missing last term was that eUK's CP was to scared" is a sentence fragment, and no self-respecting writer would make a mistake like that. Don't worry, Rylde, we're still bros. Also, since when do I give two flips about the derps going around the eUK? I'd more gladly state that the new administration is more favorable to an idea than the last, but I don't give a damn about Chewy, despite our mutual connections. He means absolutely jack to me, at least for now. We can still be broosss~~~~ But hell no, I ain't associating a CP with new opportunities. Oh yes, and it's not "to scared", it's "too scared". Not even homophones. Tsk 😑

"ChewChewShoe, along with BigAnt, Commander Dapper, and Sir Winston Churchill have tried to stop the corruption and decay that has troubled eUK for sometime. They have asked eCanada to help them purge there nation of The Unity Party and evil Ian Keers and Kravven."

Once again, I DON'T CARE ABOUT THESE PEOPLE. THEY MEAN NOTHING. The administration is what matters. How the bloody hell would I know that eUK is corrupt? And besides, we all know I don't give opinions on my newspaper, just facts and logic. It's "their nation", not "there nation". And all Brits are evil, so stating that these two chumps are evil doesn't mean anything. I hate wasting ink on words that are implied.

"With the recent exodus of decent eUKers to eCanada, such as Clair Louise, Dr. Hugh, and CptChazBeard the decision to attack eUK was easier to make. Plus we have Leo Balzac who has many contacts in the eUK to open the doors to us."

I don't care? And besides, since when does getting players from another nation mean that we can attack the rest of them? That is faulty logic, and at least my faulty logic pretends to make sense. Oh, and sup Dr. Jardon o/

"Exalted Druid is only to happy to oblige ChewChewShow and to start a all out with eUK to purge there nation of the sin that has held it back for so long."

First off, it's good to spell other people's names right. He isn't a show, he's a shoe! Also, you need a hyphen between all and out, and once again, there's the there/their misnomer. And what's with all the religious imagery? Y'all bow down before me and no one else, and that's final.

"Exalted Druid has already secured the support of Ireland, Norway, and France with more to follow."

I wouldn't give ED jack for credit, even if he did everything. Besides, I'd mention all of Asgard instead of just the little brother of the group, and if we WERE attacking Britain, I'd get Netherlands to lead the charge like any sane tactician. And what kind of failure only gets three mid-size nations' damage secured? You have to get thrice as much damage as you think you need because everyone will bail on you. I'd be knocking on everyone's door (barring Singapore) for damage. At least get Russia or something.

"Within 24 hours Pat Harper will launch a NE on eUK and with any luck the pacifists in CPF will listen to there CP and vote yes to this measure that will give eCanadian warriors a purpose once more."

Unlike most of my fellow Canuckistans, I don't have an erotic fixation with Patty, so I wouldn't rely on him. I'd just yell at ED to yell at congress to do what I want. And we all know I don't talk about parties since parties are stupid. I'm MoFA for a nation, not a part of it. Party lines do not matter on a global scale. You think Serbians would care whether it's an MDP or CW they kill? Hell no. Just like how we wouldn't care what party of Serb we kill, it makes no bloody difference. And for Haruhi's sake stop mixing up there/their. Besides, it would be "our" CP, since we all have the same CP if we're in Canadia. The divisive undertones are not something I condone at all. I prefer to hate all of you for who you are instead of blindly hating y'all.

"So lets go invade those British beaches. We all know that we wont meet to much resistence..."

*let's *won't *too *resistance
And bad pun. I'd at least say hot, wet beaches.

And since when do I have pictures in my articles? That's too much effort.

And obviously, my name is shoi, with a LOWERCASE S. Jeez, is it that hard to understand? I don't consider myself important enough to be entitled a capitalized name. Capitalization is for proper nouns, and I ain't proper.

And where's the

Until next time, take care!


Archives here

tsk tsk 😑

tl;dr troll better, and stop feeding trolls

Besides, I would just say "Go to hell, Britain. Oh wait you already did" or something. Jeez people.