Previously on the Aus Wing: a mock short script

Day 1,212, 23:06 Published in Australia Australia by Lord TJ

In the spirit of "The West Wing" and based on fictional events. The story does not infer any future event, whether intentional or made up. This has been inspired by Callumh123 and Hinokai's short stories - but in a script-like setting. It's a complete mock up and references to individual citizens are their made-up personas are not intended to cause any personal offence.

Backgroun😛
In this fictional setting, I have just been declared Prime Minister-elect. I, along with Styvesant (my incoming Prime Ministerial Chief of Staff), assemble the new Cabinet.


So here we go (West Wing cadence intro)

(Wally Wilson and Discrate1 are sitting at a bar)

Wally Wilson: So Dis, tomorrow brings a new day a new PM..

Discrate: F****ng rigged ballot! The elites are coming .. and it has to be that flaming Norton!

Wally Wilson: He might do alright. How do you know unless you have a go?

Discrate: That f****ng turd couldn't govern a scout den let alone lead eAustralia. I can't take this anymore /shoots himself.

Barmai😛 So.... that will be just the 1 refill then? o.O

Wally Wilson: Ahh f*** it. The tab's in his name anyway. Leave the bottle.

(Back at the transition offices - the incoming PM finishes off a congratulatory phone call with the President of the eUnited States)

PM-elect Norton: Well thank you, Mr President. The relationship between eAustralia and the eUnited States couldn't be more important....

(US prez speaks inaudibly on the other end)

PM-elect Norton: .. Yes of course, Sir - and you too. Thank you for the call. Goodbye. (call disconnected)

PM-elect Norton: (mutters) Wanker..

(PM-elect turns to his Chief of Staff)

PM-elect Norton: Righto. What's next?

Sty: We need to move fast on selecting a Minister for Defence. Brazil is spewing all kinds of threats .. and we can't wait another day for .. (Sty is cut off by Norton)

PM-elect Norton: I've decided on Defence.

(Sty looks amazed since the incoming PM was been mulling through the short-list since transition started).

Sty: Well by the stars, man! Who have you picked?

Norton: There's only one man for the job when it comes to smashing all enemies, foreign and domestic. Set up a meeting with Minister-designate (Mack) Craft and make sure he feels the love.

Sty: Excellent choice, Sir! I'll have the Bollinger and strippers at the ready.

Norton: Good man. Next?

Sty: Ahh (shuffles through papers).. Speaker Whelan wants a meeting to discuss your tax plan.

Norton: Did he ask nicely?

Sty: Well (approaches the subject cautiously) his words, more accurately were, "I want to see that raging capitalist".

Norton: (grins) Very well. Tell Josef Stalin Jr. I'll see him before the inauguration.

Sty: Done. Now -- we need to discuss the order of the inauguration ballls..

Norton: Jeezes H -- listen, as long as it doesn't involve the Chair of the Joint Chiefs (Infin) dancing to Van Morrison in a toga and dog collar .. whatever you like.

Sty: Not a problem.

(Communications Director Binda33 walks in)

Binda33: Excuse me Sir, Deputy Prime Minister-elect Cougar is on the phone.

Norton: Oh sh*t! We forgot about to tell him about the dodgy spa in the DPM's residence.

(Norton picks up the phone and hits the extension and speaker phone button).

PM-elect to DPM-elect Sam Cougar: Sup my brother from another lover's sister's, cousin's mother?!

DPM-elect Cougar: Man! Just got another BH smacking the sh*t out of Indo!

(Norton and Sty break it down and shout)

Norton: Go you f****ng tank, you! That's the sh*t I'm talking about.

Sty: Oi Sam. Did Phoenix turn up?

(All 3 in the room and the DPM-elect laugh hysterically)

Norton: Sh*t man -- I'm dying over here (wipes tear). Yo, did you get the memo about Mack?

Cougar: Nice job mate. Top shelf plonk and hookers -- nice one!

(Sty intervenes)

Sty: Ahh actually, Sam, make sure when the media asks for comment you refer to them as 'entertainment consultants'.

Cougar: Hey no problem! Show me a bunch of women who don't expect 100 buck bills down their G and I'll call them whatever you like.

(Norton, Sty and Cougar crack up -- Binda is less impressed).

Binda: Umm Sir, these are women living a life of illicit means and I don't think we should be demeaning them in such a way. For they....

(Binda looks over as Sty pretends to fall asleep in his chair while Norton fakes a yawn)

Binda: Okay then..

Norton: Anyway .. Sam .. just get dressed in your best and see you at noon tomorrow mate. Don't stay up tanking all night!

Cougar: No worries mate. Catchya

(call ends)

Sty: Sir, got a call from the Protective Service -- it seems the Prime Minister has committed suicide downtown. According to the police report, he consumed 2 bottles of Johnnie Walker Blue post-mortem.

Norton: How is that possible?

Sty: Oh, no, the last part was included in the report so the Deputy Prime Minister didn't end up having the pay the bill.

Norton: Put out a statement at once.

Sty: Of course, Sir. Condolences for his family, his party etc.

Norton: WTF? I meant a statement backing up Wally and congratulating him on the epic polish off.

Sty: Always an honour to serve you, Sir!

Norton: Bring in the staff.

(Sty assembles the staff)

(West Wing suite plays)

Norton: With nothing but the clothes on their back and a dream in their mind, they came to this digital nation. Something to do with a South American girl and a tomato that formed a perfect Rosary. Some said it was an impressive tomato -- I dunno. It seemed like I was high at the time.

Great job everyone FTW. Tomorrow, we get to work. That's all.

All staff: Thank you, Prime Minister-elect.

Norton: Now go the f*** home.

All staff: Yes sir.

(Roll to West Wing crescendo and closing credits)