Let go of her... Chapter 1

Day 2,941, 06:46 • Published in India Croatia • by Kunal Grover
Author's Note: What follows is a collection of true events I wish to archive..

My eyes were glued to her WhatsApp profile, her simple yet beautiful status "😉" (yes, a wink), the phone number, she went offline, leaving my eyes silently brimming with tears.. It seemed as if, something, something stuck deep inside was trying to attain freedom, and the only path it could find was through... tears.. As the screen turned watery, and words disappeared in the mysterious water droplets charged with emotion of sadness, millions of thoughts raced my mind, "why the hell I did something like this?!", "how could you, Moksh?!", "with her?.. why, I ask?" all those were gradually turning to tears..

I've gotten too far I believe, I feel I should begin from the very beginning of all this.. Akin to any other immature high school infatuation, or so-called "love story", mine was no different, yet it taught me lessons of a lifetime.. I'm grateful for that.. It was fate or Him, who meant all this without me being aware, to teach me something, which I never would've felt deeply otherwise..

Flashbacked to the beginning of the session of the 9th grade, sanskrit section, the only one, and the quite reputed for being the most intelligent, I looked around, the classroom was filled with toppers! I glanced at the girl, woah, she's here too! I didn't thought she'd take up Sanskrit! Well, I still somewhat remember the time (a bit blurry though), three years back, when she was in the same section, I fell for her, though I never approached her or talked to her, I still fell.. I was undergoing hormonal changes then, and it was my first crush.. I don't know why I had a crush on her, but I'm pretty sure that was just physical attraction, those moments flashbacked like a film in my brain, how I could never gather the courage to at least talk to her.. Maybe I regretted the time, but I don't know, okay! I sighed, but, I never would have guessed what life had in store for me..

Fastforward a month, days before the summer vacation, Friday I believe, yes, Friday, after recess, I was preparing for the vocal music class just after, when she passed by me and with a warming smile, "Hi Moksh!". Well, I was quite taken aback, with whom I've never talked with, suddenly comes up and greets me! Quite nervously, without making it obvious that I'm nervous, I greeted her back.. 'Moksh, get outta here fast, don't want the situation becoming akward', I spoke to myself (in thoughts obviously!), and laughing and enjoying with a crazy friend I left for the musical lesson.. Feeling happy (deeply).. 🙂

In the days that followed, she greeted me beautifully whenever she saw me.. Those moments are something I long for now.. Those greetings just, stole my heart.. I felt, something was being revived.. They were so touching, it's difficult to express them in words, I so wish I could I show you the flashback!

I somehow managed the summer vacation.. Days after, it appeared as if it became a habit for us to greet each other whenever.. we saw each other... My eyes went looking for her as a routine, just to capture the moment I had seen so many times now.. Though we never talked out of those moments, I think we still managed to suffice each other with a few words daily.. I feel I'm going on and on about the way she greeted me, but it was something I cannot forget, they played an important role in how we met each other and finally talked!

I was never really close with girls, in fact, I rarely even talked to a few, though I was chivalrous to a great extent, I just felt.. it easier to talk to your brothers (talking about guy friends here!) (about anything), also, I had a poor history when talking to girls about making things awkward, so, naturally, I avoided all that stuff..

Though a problem existed, no brainer, it had to, the girl was really close and upfront to boys (which made me long for her even more!), and they all were popular and smart-looking! I thank her though, she gave me a friend of a lifetime (more on that later).. Anyways, there was this guy she was really close to, often sat with him, and I got quite positive vibes from her that she somewhat liked him.. I felt I should just give up, I'm never gonna get her anyway! I don't know why, but I had a somewhat hi-hello friendship with that guy, and I now sought to improve that since he was in my section.. I remember it with a blur, but maybe I entered the friendship for my selfish personal interests.. to get close to her...

Fastforwarding, something amazing and unexpected happened, the guy was really excellent in football (as goalie) and sports, he was out playing a match on the school ground, and one nice morning, as we were watching him, she was there too, a few of our friends tried to tease her, "Look, Ayush is playing there!", "That yellow t-shirt, that is Ayush", surprise coming from me, I took part in that too.. 'What the hell?! Why am I saying all this?! Why?', I thought, and she quite blushing left the ground.. 'What would've she thought of me...?'

After the recess, she came to me, this time, with an expression of, 'How the hell did you know all this?!', but yet her eyes shined brightly and beautifully attracting me..

"Moksh, the thing what all was happening in the morning, what was that?"
I, unsure of what to say, couldn't speak out..
"I'm waiting for an answer, how did you know about this, Mansi told you this?" (Mansi was her best friend)
I spoke up, "I figured it out somehow.." I tried to say, 'I had a crush on you since 6th grade.. that's the reason I figured it out!', I felt she understood me, but the teacher entered and asked everyone to settle down.

When the ending bell rang, she charged towards me, my heart beating, felt it would come out! "Uh, can I talk to you today..? On WhatsApp, or call? Whatever you choose works fine with me.."
"Of-of course...", the words achieved freedom from my thoughts..

Returning home, I was quite upset.. Reason: I felt I made her upset.. Didn't knew what was coming up, something, am really grateful for.. 🙂 It earned me so much self-confidence, and it was the reason, or better say foundation, on which the structure of this immature love story was built upon..

To Be Continued..

Yours truly,
Kunal..