GREELING FOR PRESIDENT

Day 2,265, 21:14 • Published in USA USA • by greeling

Hello America, I see that we have been going through some rough times recently like having all our territories and having most of the bonuses for our companies. But don’t worry a savior is here to save us from these horrible times. Now you ask who is this person you speak of, you guys ask the stupidest questions. Of course that person is me and I am announcing my candidacy for president.

Now this is like the eighth time I have ran for president and you might say things have changed a lot since then what about your platform has changed, once again a stupid question because absolutely nothing has changed. Like seriously why would anything change it’s the best plan ever and I don’t know why no one has stole it from me yet. But some of you are new so lets go over all what I have planned to do.

Taxes
I know a lot of people hate paying taxes and say the government doesn’t use them properly. I would say that is correct because they aren’t spent on the right thing. I know the people would be more than happy to pay higher taxes if it used on the right thing, the right thing of course being me. So I shall raise taxes to 100% or however high I can get it and then give every dime to me cause I need to bathe in gold cause I deserve it.

Alliances
We are America the greatest country that has or ever will exist. We don’t need to be an alliance because we are just that amazing, we don’t need help from any of those scum that call themselves countries. They will beg us to help them and I will just laugh at them.



America is just so amazing it makes me tear up sometimes.

Population
Our country has been slowly getting smaller and this is unacceptable. First thing first we apporve every citizenship request that comes in. Next thing I want all of you doing the dirty. After that you will all be forced to make multis cause I want a huge population. With the bigger population means I get more tax dollars which will just make me more rich, and isn’t that what we all want.

Domestic Issues
My solution to this problem is to give everyone pictures of Ryan Gosling and that should distract anyone from any issues that we have.


I can’t even remember what I was just upset about all I can think about is the Gosling and thats makes everything better.

War
We shall bring war to Canada and wipe them from the planet. I just can’t trust those moose hugging syrup drinking mounties. I just know they are up to something sitting up there being our hat. We need to strike them down before they attack us. We need to protect the children from them before their moose cavalry attack us. So its time to strike and I will lead the charge and we will all destroy them and bring American justice to them.

Also I'll have strippers everywhere



So there you go America the perfect platform ever. I look forward to being elected and destroying my competition in the process.

GREELING 4 PRESIDENT
DEATH TO CANADA