Governor Taken Hostage

Day 2,497, 14:02 Published in Norway Sweden by noenting

After having been missing for the past week rumors have emerged saying the self declared Governor was taken hostage. This rumor turns out to be true after the Fennoscandian has received a communique written by the Nigerian Air Force.


A journalist of the Fennoscandian received a message in his hotel room in Longyearbyen while he was working on an article about the impact of Global Warming on the wildlife of Svalbard. The message had been signed by the 'Nigerian Air Force Command to Svalbard' and stated to have taken hostage the self declared governor. The communique has been handed to local law enforcement for further evaluation.


The governor has been placed in the white aircraft in the background.


The Fennoscandian contacted the Nigerian Air Force which earlier defected to Svalbard. The command was not available for question, however, commented on the communique "Any threat to Norway is, in the end, a threat to us. We take those things seriously. Norway has done so much things for us when we arrived and now we are able to help Norway, which is a pleasure. We can approve the statement which has been sent to various Norwegian newspapers during the night from Friday to Saturday. The Nigerian Air Force is in possession of the so called 'governor' and will deliver him for a trial in Den Haag once all Dutch forces retreated from Norwegian territories and once the Netherlands surrendered to Poland."

"This is an interesting situation" says Jens S. a Norwegian State Attorney "first taking prisoners in a war is totally legal and releasing them is enforced by international conventions. Hence, the condition the Netherlands shall retreat is legal - the condition the Netherlands shall surrender to Poland is a bit complicated. But let me put it that way - he is a prisoner of Nigeria, isn't he? So that is a case for the Nigerians."

The President of the Netherlands, however, announced that the self declared governor was no longer governor and would be left behind once Dutch forces retreated. "We have a lot of different negotiation strategies around the world and that is just one" says Åke S. from the Norwegian Institute of Foreign Politics "The Netherlands will want to have their government official back, that is for sure. By telling the Nigerians he would be left behind the Dutch President is trying to lower the price. I do not think, however, this strategy will be successful. After all the Nigerian Air Force contacted Norwegian Newspapers and not the Dutch media. That way the Nigerians enforce the Dutch government to negotiate with Norway in order to contact their 'governor'. The Norwegian government then might ask for a payment of them establishing contacts. To put it short - the Dutch are in a very bad position and they know it. The Netherlands recently changed their flag which is to be interpreted as some sort of acceptance of the Nigerian demand to surrender to Poland."

Under the grant of anonymity an spokesman of the Nigerian Air Force told the Fennoscandian "This 'governor' is just great. We are currently telling him to write letters to Dutch persons pretending he was a Nigerian Prince with a billion Dollar inheritance he wants to save from the fiscal system. It seems the Dutch don't know these letters - in the last 3 days we collected more than $ 50.000. We are yet unsure what to do with this money...probably we are going to invest it into better heating systems here in Longyearbyen - reportedly it gets quite cold here..."