Announcing The Next POTUS: Senryaku-kun

Day 2,803, 20:46 • Published in USA USA • by Senryaku

But first...



If there is one thing I've learned in my time here, it is that the 'players' of this game are huge perverts who hate themselves. Because I am a brilliant strategist and an even greater lover, I came up with the brilliantly ingenious and brilliant plan to PUT THEM EVERYWHERE. To counter the upcoming themes of DIVERSITY and ACCEPTANCE, I have decided that the women may only be white and nothing else. It is for your own good, trust me.



Good evening, Emericka.

It is with great pleasure that I officially announce my candidacy for the presidency of the United States of America. I am proud to say that I have already assembled the most competent and diverse team of all-star Erepublik players, making no distinction between party, military unit, or any other sort of organization that a person can belong to.

You have definitely heard of me. I am very infamous throughout the eworld for my amazing exploits in many nations, including Pakistan, Japan and, of course, America herself. I have touched all of these nations in their most intimate areas and know basically everything about everything ever.



As for what you know about me, you know that I am an individual who did not declare for congress in game this month. A lesser man might say that this was a mistake, a blunder, appalling political ineptitude. NO.
This was part of my brilliant plan.

I am prepared to take this eworld by storm, and to make this come to fruition I needed to first lure the fools into a false sense of security about me, "Senryaku forgot to press the congress button, he must not be interested in epolitics at all anymore." Well that is where I come out with this article, my declaration of absolute dominance in the upcoming POTUS elections, an announcement so early, so brilliantly unexpected that it will no doubt win me the election by itself.

I believe Sun Tzu once said, "When ambushing scrublords, make sure they don't see that you're wearing a thong, idiot."
And believe me when I say that I have taken every word of this ancient, beloved Pakistani proverb to heart.

PRIDE POWER PAKISTAN
PRIDE POWER PAKISTAN
PRIDE POWER PAKISTAN
PRIDE POWER PAKISTAN
PRIDE POWER PAKISTAN



I am a benevolent ruler when I feel like it, America, and so I see fit to entertain you with my cabinet in descending order of importance.

1) Wild Owl as Minister of Shoulders.



I think we all know this brilliant man, this elegant beast of the sky, this paragon of avian bird-ness. We know him for his amazing defense of the righteous Servian Empire and as the mastermind behind the Infantry Kits that you pay for every month if you're not in Division 4. However, often overlooked are his shoulder-rubbing abilities. As an owl, he has a great natural talent in this profession - no - in this art, and I intend to put it to great use in the following way:



Did I mention that he is also very good at cuddling? Because he is. He is also the first step towards my theme of diversity in this month, because he is a bird. Obviously. Of course, in real life he is not only a bird but a bird from the tropical climate of Afghanistan, if I am not mistaken.


2) Pizza The Hutt as Pizza The Hutt



As one of my most beloved characters from the hit 90s sitcom 'Everybody Loves PEACE' I was astounded to find that this gentleman had made his way into the political scene of the intricate real-life simulator that is this Erepublik. I don't think this man needs much of an introduction to you all, as he is a much esteemed political character, constantly in the minds of the great as their source of inspiration.

And Pizza Hut is better than Domino's you filthy casuals, I mean come on what the hell is wrong with you?

3) Jude Connors as Minister of Constant Carnivals, The Senryaku Youth Club, The Senryaku Fanclub, The Senryaku clothing brand (now in Hot Topic) and all related merchandise

This man - no, sorry, this LEGEND of carnival running and psychedelic drug dealer extraordinaire cannot be explained through words - ONLY THROUGH FIESTA!






I rest my case, and move onto the final member of my team...

4) My legions of loyal multis who are prepared to PTO USWP, AMP, BSP, Feds, WTP and SFP all at the same time

I have a confession to make to you, Emericka. I am not the most perfect individual in this world. That would be Dio. As I was putting together my cabinet, I realized that I didn't actually care about diversity because I'm white cisgendered trash, and so I just cheated.

Shut up, I'd have won anyway and your opinion doesn't even matter.



I would like to give out honorary cabinet positions to the many noteworthy individuals who support my cause as eternal emperor of Emericka, however.

- Pfeiffer for being the father that I always hated because he never gave me any attention and made me feel like a failure. Except for that one time.
- BeachBunny for seducing every man and woman under the virtual sun.
- rainy sunday for being rainy sunday
- Aramec for not being nearly as bad as he sounds to everyone everywhere
- ChewChewShoe for being fun sometimes and constantly kicking me from IRC
- Artela for running my legions of multis
- Derphoof for finding my secretary
- Kemal Ergekokonuts for xdxd
- Blande for being cute enough to attempt a coup against my 100% democratic regime.
- Rhane for coming back for five seconds and then leaving again, and every other female player who does that.
- Evry for being a female player.
- My mom for writing this article for me.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment that my sexcretary needs me to take care of...