[UK] HUGE MANATEES and other such updates

Day 1,314, 11:18 • Published in Ireland North Macedonia • by Foreign Office


Greetings, Colonists.


Today, I, jamesw, have come with a message. As President of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Island, I am addressing you as the temporary head of your legislative body, the dail-y durp. Why is that? Well, some devious little soul has stolen your congress! Can you see what he left in its place?. What a lovely line, don't you love lines?

I love lines.


On to serious matters, As the leader of your government, and legislative, I am here to ask you to cease and desist in your current offensive. This tear related war is quite frankly, hurting the British economy no end.




Maddog Jones is a normally productive citizen of the UK. He pays his taxes, gets his kids to school on time, and above all is able to go into work everyday. Unfortunately, since the Irish Colonists Weeping Movement (ICWM) began, Maddog has been glued to his laptop screen. What has he been doing? Our scientists refer to the process as Tear-eating, where one is soaking the tears of Island through the internet. For the past fourteen days, over ninety percent of our population has become uncurably addicted to Tear-eating, and as such, our collective weight has risen to almost American proportions.


Do you want obese rulers? I would think not! So, Colonists. Please, do not make me punish you for your insolence. As citizens of The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Island, you are duty bound to stop turning our society into a never ending quest to sip on your tears. I demand that you stop feeding our addiction, with haste.


Regards,
~your kind leader