The Three Things Killing eCanada

Day 2,809, 15:24 • Published in Canada Canada • by Xander Kross

I've been away for a while, and I'm sure all of you hippies have cherished the silence. It allows you to more fully appreciate the pointless guitar noodling of your Grateful Dead and the whiny nasal protest poetry of your Bob Dylan.

Well, flower children, maybe it's time I came back. Because when I left, it was because my job was done. We had a lovely, stable military dictatorship taking care of things with a token President lapdog to soak up all the pointless liberal whining.

But you drooling cretins couldn't leave well enough alone. The military dictatorship was overthrown, and now it's back to the old "democracy" that has so failed us in the past. You've reinstated the three very worst, most divisive things that have ever plagued my beloved eCanada.

1) DEMOCRACY.

Some stupid hippie once said, "Democracy is the dictatorship of the majority." I don't know who it was, nor do I care - whoever said it phrased it as though it were a good thing.



A person - the individual - is capable of good, noble and clever things. People, which is to say "groups of persons," operate at a much lower level of mental competence. People are herd animals and must be led. By a person. When the herd tries to make up its mind how to get things done, by taking polls or votes or whatever, the herd gets bogged down in indecision, partisan thinking and general "herd mentality."

This is the core of democracy - herd mentality. You go where most of the other sheep wish to go, or you get trampled. And occasionally, you end up with a stampede charging towards the edge of a cliff.

You people need a shepherd.

2) CONGRESS.

Now, let's say you dimwitted sheep finally do manage to drift out of your psychedelic haze for a few minutes to find yourselves a good shepherd. Ideally, that shepherd waves his crook and barks out an order, and the herd goes where it is directed. This system works, and has worked for thousands of years.



Instead, you people find a shepherd, but give his crook to a group of quarrelsome monkeys, and somehow expect these monkeys to be able to help the shepherd do anything of value. The shepherd points and barks out an order, and the monkeys argue about the color of the crook, and which end should be used for what purpose. So the sheep wander off the edge of the proverbial cliff.

The dictatorship mechanic fixed all of this. And you people had it good for a while. But then the quaaludes kicked in, and you all decided to go back to the thing that should never have been allowed to happen, ever again.

3) McVICKER.



I can only assume Dictator Rylde was several bottles into a serious bender when he allowed this thing to return from the Land of the Rising Tentacle-Rape. We all know Rylde does crazy things from time to time, and we generally forgive him for his mistakes. What we almost never do is elect his mistakes as Country President.

But that's exactly what you mushroom-eating cretins did. You chemically-lobotomized tree-huggers keep re-electing this egregious waste of dick-skin and propping him up on his rainbow pedestal of drama and self-aggrandizement, and this continues to baffle and repulse me. Do you all hate yourselves this much? Have you that little self-respect? Honestly, is there not one other person better suited to the job of leading us than this self-worshiping, drama-whoring dung beetle?

The next time he "rage quits" and moves somewhere else, let him stay there and annoy them for the remaining life of this game. Seriously, people, it's only a few weeks away. Again.

Re-instate the Dictator. Rylde 4 Dictator 4 Life.

MDP: EVER FORWARD!