How to Succeed in eRepublik, Gnilraps' Advice

Day 2,891, 15:35 • Published in USA USA • by Gnilraps
Jockey Full of Bourbon (Mandatory listening)
Day 2891 of the New World
October 20, 2015

Dear eUSA,

I'm feeling my bourbon tonight. If you don't usually, at least this time take a moment to listen to the (always musically genius and also always lyrically apropos) Tom Waits song. Stick it on repeat. Dammit, if I haven't converted eRepublik into Tom Waits fans by the time I'm done then I've failed.

Anyway, The piano's been drinking, not me.

I wanted to pass along a few tips to anyone interested in one day saddling up to the big seat.

I'm indebted to Jordic.

Economic Advice
Want to know how to succeed economically in this game? Follow these very simple few steps:

1 - Borrow your mother's VISA card. But don't buy Plato's Gold. Your mommy works far too hard at the 7-11 to waste your cash on Plato's Gold. No, buy CC on the Black Market. But of course that doesn't exist, amiright?

2 - Buy Companies. Not eRepublik Companies silly, those are trash. Buy a IRL company so that you can afford to buy CC on the alleged Black Market.

3 - Fight for your country massive Combat Orders. Don't get bamboozled by the Monetary Market, the only significant economic bellwether in this game is CO's.

Military Advice

1 - Borrow your mother's VISA card. Oh wait, you already did that? Good. Now load up on piles and piles and piles of Energy Bars. The Pollyanna days of strategically waiting, watching, and stalking battles is over. Just wait for the counter to reset and BLAST OFF. If you are concerned about breaking your mouse there are some lovely scripts that will do this for you while you sleep.

2 - Join a Military Unit. LOL. Don't be a fool. Everyone knows that as soon as Plato announces another one of his goofy contests your "membership" in "your" MU won't matter. You'll just jump ship to one of the leviathan MU's so you can glom the Gold. But what the hell, join an MU anyway.

3 - Borrow your mommy's VISA card. Build up your Training Grounds. Now train every day but don't actually play this game for like 3 years until your Citizen is relevant in D1. Some time between now and then get a life.

Foreign Affairs

1 - So you want to get involved in the intriguing world of FA? OK, here's what you need to know to succee😛 If you are a friend to Greece, it's "FYROM". If you are not, it's "MKD". Don't screw this up and you'll succeed in FA.

2 - You must not refer to your enemies by their real name. But don't worry, follow my simple procedure and you will do fine. Simply add "lol" to whatever your enemy nation's name is. Do you want to hate Poland? Call it Loland! Do you want to hate Slovenia? Call it Lolvenia! Do you hate FYROM? Don't be silly, it's FYLOL!

3 - As soon as you become an expert at #2, expand your skills. "Croatia" becomes "Cryatia" so that you can display your disdain at them.

3b - To be truly clever, add "bro" to your allies country name. This proves how much you are faithful to them (until you aren't any more.) Examples: Brozil, Serbroa, Mexibro, South Brofica, Bromania... give it a try.

4 - No matter if you are winning a battle while wasting 1 Million CC in Combat Orders, talk about Brotherhood and friendship.

5 - If your enemy wins a battle, it is because they spent too much on Combat Orders. Memorize this.

6 - If your allies win a battle, it is because Brotherhood and friendship.

7 - Any nation that is not attacking "has no balls." There is no other reason, remember. Just always refer to the balls. Diplomacy and tactics have nothing to do with it. It has only to do with the balls.

8 - If one of your rivals attacks one of your allies, it's simple. They are a puppet. Memorize this. Also remember to say they have no balls.

9 - Serbia.

Defense

1 - If you become the Secretary of Defense in the USA, there is only one rule, you have to have a True Patriot battle running 24/7. If you don't do this your CP will be ridiculed and you will lose your job.

2 - Sometimes your country will need cash for Combat Orders. If you seem to not have enough money, find a player whose mommy has a VISA and suck that player's balls. reShout all of his shouts. Vote, endorse, and fawn all over his media. Then beg for money. If necessary, reSuck his balls.

3 - If you want people to like you, spend 300k and make a battle go epic. They will love you until next week.

Media

1 - boobs

2 - boobs

3 - boobs

4 - vote buyers club

5 - boobs

Political Success

1 - Borrow your mother's VISA card. Buy a proxy service. Make 100 multi accounts. Elect yourself PP.

2 - Repeat step #1 in 3 more parties.

3 - Run for CP and spend the entire day voting for yourself.

I hope this helps.

Good luck to all the new players.