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Why you doing another article about the same thing?

It can’t have escaped the attention of the active eUK citizens that there has been some drama this week. No, I don’t mean the usual daily clashes between pro-Willy and anti-Willy supporters in the eUK long running soap opera. Though I will concede the soap opera is all very confusing because I have heard unsubstantiated reports that King William the Great is firmly in the anti-willy camp. Come on, eye on the ball Colin, and get on with what the article is about. The drama I refer to is the Argie Peace Treaty, there have been articles and people being very vocal about the subject (myself included), so it would be remiss of me as an independent media outlet not to try and secure an interview with the individual at the centre of the storm.



The Interview

With that mission statement I broke in to the current PM residence in Lancaster and kidnapped Sir Humphrey Appleby. In a secure location, a brewery based in Manchester a restrained Prime Minister with a fresh understanding of the term ‘waterboarding’, the interview begins.

1. Firstly thank for your time in what has been a controversial start to your tenure as Prime Minister. Can you explain the course of action you took and why?

Chiefly because this was in my eyes the only opportunity we had to get back on the map for this month; any arrangement with a victorious occupier is going to be controversial when negotiating from the point of survival. We have had minimal success on the battlefield since the war began, with Northern Europe a complete mess compared to a couple of terms ago. Diplomacy was our only chance at having a home again and had I refused this offer we would’ve potentially faced a wipe indefinitely.

2. There has been a lot of criticism that the democratic process was bypassed with only you and another member of the government being aware of the plan. Why was this and can the eUK expect more of these schemes with everyone in the dark?


Largely that the rest of my gov would not have to support it or claim of being involved in it given how inherently unpopular surrendering would be. I was highly aware that a lot of friendships would be eviscerated by my kowtowing to the argies, and that some are unhappy with my interpretation that we wouldn’t have a remote chance of existence otherwise. Ironically one of the benefits of this arrangement is to once again have a legislative process. Congress has completely stagnated since the lack of legitimate elections and should we still be on the map by the 25th I look forward to a lot more constructive opposition of government policy (when I remember to post it...).

3. eIreland are very angry at the eUK at the moment. Do you have a message for eIreland citizens regarding what has transpired?

Indeed. After a mutually drunk chat with the Irish CP last night it transpires that their Dictator joined me in forgetting to update their CP on their current situation with Argentina. I had assumed their civilian government had already been filled in that the Argies had made it very clear when they NE’d that they would not be unwiped (as we were their target, not them). You can imagine the surprise when the Irish CP found this out for himself…



I expect the majority of the are quite fairly annoyed at me rather than the eUK for this decision, but unfortunately diplomacy is the only way out for both of us until a major shift in the region’s balance of power. Despite my vilification I will continue to press for their liberation in light of the same circumstances we argued our case from.

4. How would you describe the deal with eArgentina? i.e. good, bad, indifferent

It’s a car-crash situation that necessitates such a horrific experience really. If things are the same as the term goes on it’ll be as pleasant as being kept on a life support machine.

5. The eUK now has the North West of England back but what is the future of eUK?

We will be in a rather hopeless situation until a major balance of power shift. As a tiny nation we’re more or less doomed to be pushed about by larger ones; and when they’ve grouped up like they have in Asteria then they can be very annoying to fight against. Until we witness a major international handbag fight we’re stuck.

6. With eArgentina completely surrounding us, what are the odds they will just wipe us again and make your efforts fruitless?

So long as Vyc is in charge over there I expect they will honour our arrangement. If I am proven wrong on this then it is only fair for me to resign and begin elections for a caretaker CP.

7. Finally, some citizens have been calling for your head on a pike so it is only fitting to ask this question. What is your favoured method of capital punishment? To get your ideas going here are a couple of examples. Hung, drawn and quartered, possibly worse is listening to the Chipmunks sing the Bee Gees on continuous loop until your brain melts out of your ears.

Hmm. I may opt for the monty python ‘being chased by topless women on rollerskates off a cliff’ method but I expect being blown out of a cannon might make for a more family-friendly event...



Finally the end... Thank God

The questions have been answered and the CP has safely been returned, you might not like the answers to the questions posed but Appleby answered them and you can’t ask for more than that. As usual please vote, subscribe, endorse and most importantly comment. Until next edition don’t have nightmares politicians can be killed.