A walk in my shoes.

Day 1,143, 13:29 • Published in USA USA • by Pheno Sony

A lot of talk has been flying around about me. I wanted to clear the air of any and all rumors about me and explain my “lifestyle” choices and expectations.

I am a normal, healthy, young banana.

I have been a banana my whole life. Both my parents shared their spores with each other, in a passionate night of lovemaking, ultimately creating me. Just like everyone else. I’ve had a rough life. Many people just assume that the life of a banana living with humans is easy, but it actually quite the opposite.

It all started when I was an unripened banana growing up in the human world. Can you imagine what it’s like to be a banana in highschool? I was teased and mocked for being so fruity and potassium filled. I had horrible acne as a teenager. Hell, even in my prom picture, my face was covered in acne.



During highschool, I met a guy who i thought loved me. But then it turned out, he only pretended to be interested in my because he lost a bet with his friends. I slowly slipped in the depths of extreme social awkwardness, and quietly disappeared from school after a few lonely years.

After I graduated from high school, I went into a deep depression. I tried my hardest to pretend I wasn’t a banana. To be constantly ridiculed for who you are, takes its toll. I tried on many persona's, all more pathetic then the last. If you want 100% honesty, I was ashamed of my fruity lineage.

First I tried to be a fish



Then I tried to be a snake



I even tried to be a dog



But at the end of the day, I was a banana... and nothing else. After a few years of peeling therapy and string meditation, My therapist said I needed to get a job. I had an array of occupations in the world, none of them very aPEELing.

I’ve done everything from grave digging



to prostitution



...but none seemed to satisfy me.

While working the streets one night, a fellow prostitute told me about a very wealthy man who was interested in a threesome. With dollar signs in my eyes, I agreed. Turns out, he was a cop. I was prosecuted, taken to jail and thrust into a 6 x 8 room.




That was the lowest point in my life. I knew I had to change. After the judge released me , I knew I had a chance to alter the course of my life. After some definite “me” time (and rising from the dead as Banana Jesus ) I became the banana you see before you today.

I wish I could share more of my life, but I’m still living it! Thanks for taking the time to be informed now. And next time you reach into your “fruit” bowl to snack on a tasty treat, avoid the banana’s. For the record, cantaloupe, kiwis and oranges also have a lot of potassium. Go eat some of them.





(A special thanks to my very sexy friend, the manwhore (aka “prostitute”), Hadrian X for helping me finish this article)