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This article is a satire, like my early funny ones.

^{And, as always, Mood Musik.}

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Plato Waiting for People to Add Him as Friend

eRepublik HQ, Day 2560

Reporting live as the story breaks, we here at Goodbye Blue Monday have come across information from an inside source close to Plato himself regarding the nature of several recently added missions.

In what's been seen by many as a sign of Plato's increasing desperation, a former consultant to Plato, and architect of the mission popularly known as The More the Merrier, told our publication that "Plato really just made that mission because he wanted to make at least one real friend."



The mission, which rewards players upon adding 100 new friends, was apparently created with the sole purpose of encouraging players to add Plato, and maybe just talk for a while.

When reached for comment, an anonymous aide speaking on behalf of Plato was quick to deny these rumours, "What? no, that's preposterous. When we decide to implement changes to the game, it's with the intention of fostering community and improving our player's experience. Though, you know, at least one person could've added [Plato], it's so easy, and he's going through some rough stuff right now. He's really a good guy once you get to know him"


^{The original transcript of OPERATION: THE MORE THE MERRIER as acquired by Goodbye Blue Monday}

Player reaction to the news has been mixed. Many players, including friend of the paper Malarkey83 have decried the missions as "clutter" and this revelation as "further proof that Plato isn't interested in how we feel." Still, certain players, including a too-long-dead-to-notice-this-quote Cromstar have been more accepting, stating that "to be honest, I kind of feel bad for the guy. Sure the game's bad, but it wouldn't hurt to at least be civil."


^{If you look very closely, you'll notice a single tear}

As of reporting, Plato has yet to give a direct statement, in part due to the fact that he's currently celebrating his 7th birthday by himself, even though all of you were invited.

For those of you who want to add Plato as a friend, and just talk about football, or you know, guy stuff, you can find his profile here.

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And now for a new feature:

#Trending in the eUS


^{Goodbye Blue Monday enters the 21st Century with hard hitting hashtag journalism!}

-#WhaleOwlSay!: Recent US non-aggression pact and FA achievements of Oblige administration inspire odd-couple sitcom centering on Oblige and WildOwl's hijinks on the international stage while literally being a whale and an owl.

-#From Swag to Riches: Publishers fight over rights to Tenshibo's rumored upcoming memoir

-#SpaceGate: Notable eRepublikan Derphoof under charges from DHS for interaction with illegal aliens during his last journey to Mars, marring the unveiling of the otherwise successful Broforce Commercial Spaceplane

-#GraveyardSmash!: Gnilraps angers local tomb scribes after releasing comprehensive list of epigraphs for eUS notables without belonging to union.

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Here's your Moment of Zen

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Until next time,

~Paul Proteus