[A Bored Person's Guide to 1337 Trolling]

Day 768, 08:48 • Published in USA USA • by Ian John Locke IV

Before I start my simple guide that will teach any incompetent person how to troll, let me remind the 700 (or around there) subscribers I have why they may be subscribed to this particular publication.

A long while back, around when my last article was written (the one before this one), cynic grim was doing his best to raise gold for the eUS's movement to get its regions back from PEACE. I never reached 1,000 subscribers so I never was able to give that gold to him for the war, but those 200 or so of you who subscribed, didn't unsubscribe so it is basically your own fault.

The rest of you may have subscribed from when I was AAP Party President, or your congressman. Anyone else, I don't particularly know why, or care why.
****ACTUAL ARTICLE STARTS HERE FOR THOSE IMPATIENT BUTT MONKEYS WHO DON'T CARE ABOUT REAL EXPLANATIONS****

[How to Troll Like A Pro]
For those of you who do not know what it is to be a troll, let me find you an adequate definition:
Troll (noun) (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=troll)
One who purposely and deliberately (that purpose usually being self-amusement) starts an argument in a manner which attacks others on a forum without in any way listening to the arguments proposed by his or her peers. He will spark of such an argument via the use of ad hominem attacks (i.e. 'you're nothing but a fanboy' is a popular phrase) with no substance or relevence to back them up as well as straw man arguments, which he uses to simply avoid addressing the essence of the issue.

In our case, however, a Troll can be considered someone who posts on articles or in IRC Channels (instead of only forums).

Now that you know what a troll is, let me give you famous examples of trolls:
Emerick
Zoli
Myself

And I'm sure there are others, but they're not important. What is important is that each of us has our own niche.

Emerick trolls stupid articles and people who he doesn't like (in otherwords, any n00b who thinks he knows what he's talking about or any, or anyone who has messed with him)

Zoli trolls American articles and Americans in general. (He also writes articles to confuse younger Americans so that they think their Government is trying to screw them... very smart)

I troll Congressional Articles and IRC Channels. (I look for poorly written, non-descriptive articles that were clearly written by someone who just started playing and thinks that any real life ideology they have can be applied to this game to prove to themselves that they are absolutely right, no. matter. what.)

[How To Be A Troll]
Well I would think the definition above gives some idea, as do my three examples, but for those of you who just want some easy steps, here they are:

>>1 You must find someone who you think you are smarter than.
>>2 Do not double check that you are correct about the person you have chosen
>>3 Attack them with brute force and do not stop until you get forfeit points
>>4 After receiving forfeit points, attack them some more for being cowards and reporting you to the admins instead of taking you on themselves
>>5 After receiving more forfeit points, move on to the next target.
>>6 Repeat steps 1 through 5 until you are permanently banned from eRepublik.
>>7 Once you are permanently banned, do not come back. If you were stupid enough to follow my advice, you're clearly not intelligent enough to avoid being trolled by a professional.

You're better off not playing, than crying to the admins that some big bad player made you realize your own lack of a brain, which would have allowed you to think for yourself and consider the decision of following the preceding 6 steps.

****END OF ARTICLE, DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT****

For those of you who found this as mildly amusing as I intended it to be, please vote this up and (if you have not already) subscribe to this amazing publication.

For those of you who I have trolled and have been waiting for something to report me for, please report this article and watch it not disappear. You might not understand it, but I derive enjoyment from your frustrations.

To the admins, if you do happen to receive complaints about this article, please do read it before deleting it and giving me my deserved forfeit points. It is meant to humor those with a sense of it.

Official Disclaimer
This article is meant as satire. Any above statements cannot be used against me to "prove" that I am a troll. Any such accusations are false and I deny their validity (which must naturally mean that the person is lieing).

If you have any such complaints about my previous or current behavior, please take up with the citizen I will link to here.

If you cannot see the above link, your browser may be malfunctioning and you may need to take a hammer to it. If that does not work, try a power drill. If none of that helps, give up and walk away. Never sign on to eRepublik again.

Thank you again for reading. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.