There's No Place Left for a Hero:

Day 3,114, 09:23 • Published in USA USA • by Jimmy Cincinnati

Issue #118

“One man's pornography is another man's theology.”
―Clive Barker-



In case you missed them; part #1 and part #2.


Dawn was approaching. The heat seemed to be gone and so were the campers. I cautiously approached the campsite to see what they had left.
The fire was extinguished, there were some clothes and a bedroll. Nothing that was useful. I had no choice but to turn back, or risk dehydration.

On the way, I discovered a can of Pringles. I was hoping for some food, but the can was a heavy.
Inside were three pouches of white powder. I snapped the lid back on and thought about tossing it back onto the ground. That was like throwing money on the ground, so I kept it.
As long as I was going down, I may as well do it, Big.

I only made it a few steps, before the earth began to tremble.
A large mound started bulging, until it split and a column of sand shot from the crevice.
I covered my eyes, to avoid being blinded with debris. When the dust had settled, a person came into view.
It was Jack Black.

-GoTJ-
Holy s#!t! Are you Jack Black?

-Jack Black-
I am but a humble servant of Lucifer. I chose this form, because it was pleasing to you. We're throwing a homecoming party for the artist formerly know as Prince and the Dark Lord would be most pleased with your stash.

-GoTJ-
You should have picked Gilbert Godfrey. That guy is obviously an agent of Satin.

Poof; he turned into Gilbert Godfrey.

-Gilbert Godfrey-
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS. JUST HAND OVER THE PRINGLES CAN AND WE CAN BE ON OUR WAY.

-GoTJ-
I've been out here for two days. I need this to fuel my journey.

-Gilbert Godfrey-
IT'S YOUR CHOICE. I CAN BE A SQUINTY EYED PIPSQUEEK OR I CAN UNLEASH THE FURY OF HELL!

-GoTJ-
I already killed a prostitute and four members of the Worker's Gang. I've got your card, right here.


To Be Continued....



Take a friend of wisdom's hand.