Join the new world

Potpourri

---

"As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."


-- Buddy Hackett


Jokes

---

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (which reads 'Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.😉

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"

-o-o-o-o-

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away. "Johnny wait until we say our prayer."

"I don't have to." The boy replied.

"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook!"

-o-o-o-o-

I was sitting with my friend, Cynthia, and some of her classmates when they began discussing a written report they had been assigned.
Cynthia, who had already chosen a topic and had begun to research it, was upset that their instructor wanted them to work in pairs. She voiced strong opinions about what a liability a partner could be.

"What topic did you choose?" I asked.

"The importance of teamwork," she admitted sheepishly.

-o-o-o-o-

I learned how to deal with my wife's sleepwalking ... I gave her a vacuum cleaner.

-o-o-o-o-

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.
They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all Three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.”
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants see this and agree it is quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers buy no tickets at all.
“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed accountant. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.
When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.
The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket please.”