Join the new world

I have spent the day since leaving work secluded in my room, lost in contemplation. What path will I choose for my future here? I need to give it more thought.

A few members of my party, the TFC, have asked me about running for Congress. I told them at first that I did not want to be a leader before I had proven my devotion to the country I now call home. I've begun to hedge those statements, more recently, after seeing how well-liked my recent articles have been and wondering if I might be qualified after all. Such hedging is an important skill if I am to follow that path, and become a politician.

The idea does not disagree with me. But as a Member of Congress, I would be a single vote among many qualified eJapanese, most more experienced than I. I trust those currently in Congress to make the right decisions for our nation. I would certainly rather be elected if the choice is between myself and a foreigner who will stand for election in our nation only for the Gold prize. But if it is a question of myself and another committed eJapanese, I am not certain what will be best for my nation.

I do believe that I am qualified. But I am qualified for more than simple politics, and as a Member of Congress, I would not be able to serve in the Imperial Army. That Army is reorganizing now and, I am told, is in desperate need of volunteers. Since many eJapanese have not seen combat, my aid would be certain to have an impact there. It is harder to be sure that in the Congress my vote's presence would be more helpful than anyone else's.

There, I have hedged it just like a politician. It is still not something I should print, if I have political aspirations. Who wants to vote for someone who thinks the Congress is unimportant? Yet I am about to publish it anyway. Because I think it true. I may yet change my mind.

I write what I believe is true, and in one week all eJapan will vote for who we think is best. I thus need not worry, because if I run, and if I am thought best, I will have an obligation to serve my country in Congress and must accept. And yet, if I am defeated in an election, I can still serve my country.

My logic chases its own tail. I know that none of this names my true motivation. I am still somewhat uncomfortable. To leave my former home, and come here, and feel at home is one thing. To present myself as deserving to lead that new home is something entirely different. Am I really the one who deserves the honor most?

I need not know that yet. But I will keep my contemplation. And, though I still think it is not the sort of thing a hopeful politician should say, I will publish this log. Because if this article prevents me from becoming what is called a "politician" it will have done a great favor to myself. And possibly even to my country.

And yet, when I wrote last night of the pridefulness of humility...

It is such a pridefulness that drives me now.