eCanada's Next President!

Day 2,478, 04:58 Published in Canada Canada by Xander Kross

Countrymen, I wish now to discuss our political rival in this upcoming election. He is a hero and a patriot - all know this - and his adamant resolve is the stuff of legend.

I speak, of course, of eCanada's own James R Bond.



This stoic titan runs each and every election on the Cloud City Council bill. Does he announce his candidacy loudly with colourful but ultimately pointless propaganda? No, friends, he does not. Does he attack his opponents with insults and libelous insinuations for political gain? No, friends, he does not. Does he utter false promises of imagined prosperity that he cannot possibly deliver? No, friends, he does not.



James R Bond runs a clean, gentlemanly campaign each and every time.

And he does not need to campaign loudly like the usual gang of blowhards. We know he will be on the bill. He is there for us each and every time. He does not seek credit for the work of others, he doesn't trumpet about his war-spending - he enters the race quietly and without fail, boldly staring us in the eye and daring us to vote for these other clowns who spend as much time talking as they spend doing.



We can only assume he has a bitchin' space program. I seem to recall UF announcing something about a silly commie space program months ago - we need a guy like James R Bond to handle their moon-lasers and whatnot.

Does he do it for glory? Does he do it for fame? Does he do it for the trophy? For women and riches and almighty power?

We may never know. These questions are a part of his grand mystique.



Feeding the hungry? Check.

Clearly, James R Bond is not out to win popularity contests. This is evidenced by his avatar. If he cared about being flashy and winning over the younger players, he would use Daniel Craig. If he wanted to impress the retro-cool hipsters, cinemaphiles and older players, he would go with Sean Connery. The choice of Roger Moore lets us all know that James R Bond knows exactly who he is, is more or less pleased with it and doesn't care what you think of him. Roger Moore is the bold choice of an individualist.



We all know what we're getting with TheSmoke, or with our man Homer J Simpson. These guys have been up at bat before, they are knowledgable and we can rest assured that they will not likely give us a spectacular meltdown after their first week on the job. ECanada will be in safe and slightly boring hands.

With James R Bond at the helm... who knows? It could be heaven, it could be hell. It could be anarchy or iron-fisted law and order. And isn't the thrill of the gamble more exciting?



Foreign affairs? Check.

If you want your common, everyday prosperity and solid leadership, go ahead and waste your vote on TheSmoke or Homer J Simpson. If you want an adrenaline-fueled thrill-ride in an Aston Martin with rocket boosters and ejector seats, vote James R Bond.