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Johannesburg, Gauteng - After yet another successful launch of a Patriot and Sovereignty Union initiative, the brand new Operations Centre in Johannesburg leaves the PSU standing proud and ready for the perils of the political landscape of eSouth Africa, and making things better through Transparency, Efficiency and Dignity.

"We have already taken three thousand calls in 72 hours," confirms Call Centre Manager Trompie. "Our Service Level Agreement is well actuated and we constantly get compliments on our hold music, which includes a cameo appearance by Harold of NetFlorist fame."

But as grand party member Skquall points out, "We are receiving an amazing amount of mistaken calls in this new call centre. We suspect that it has something to do with the new phone number, 086-CALL-PSU". As Skquall shrugged, he let his personal assistant, Selina Kitt, convey greater detail.

"An amazing number of unrelated queries have popped up in the last few days," confirms Ms. Kitt, while biting on her pencil, "we have compiled a list of the top five unrelated queries that our operations centre is receiving." She deftly handed a memo to our reporter. "Please read through the subjects, and do your own supporting research."


Issue 1: SUP!
Unfortunately for the Patriot and Sovereignty Union, its community drive in the Northern regions of eSouth Africa has somewhat recoiled. The successful FREE-BEER campaign, known as SUP!, launched in reaction to the economic downturn in recent months, have led to an incredible amount of prank calls to the same organisation that had promoted the subsidisation of beer.

The most common call appears to be a young person yelling "SUUUUUUUUUUP?!??!?", but as soon as the call centre agent tries to respond, another 'conferenced' caller yells, "DUUUUUDE!". The callers then promptly hang up, but only if they're still sober enough to find the 'End Call' button on their new smart phones.

The PSU Beerfest department was not immediately available for comment.


Issue 2: Locutus
The Operations Centre has also had to deal with the unexpected YouTube popularity of the Vice President of eSouth Africa, Locutus. The call centre has been inundated with requests for Locutus to do a 'part two' of his robot dance, which was secretly filmed at the President Suave's after-party a few weeks ago.

However, holding his head in what appears to be residual pain from a chronic babalas, Locutus allowed his assistant to officially decline the request. "Maybe only three Phuza Thursdays from now on," he added.


Issue 3: UPS
Since the effective advertisement campaign that PSU had launched for public awareness, PSU has been flooded with requests to have parcels collected and delivered.

"It was highly unusual," said Prelen, a worker in the PSU mail room. "The boss just yelled, 'Fine, deliver them!'". Since PSU has picked up the slack left by UPS, polls put public opinion of PSU at an all time high.

"It seems that there has been a logistical service gap in eSouth Africa for several years now. We appear to be the Santa Clause of eSA politics!", exclaimed Skquall.

"But hey, at least we're not represented by a large beer swilling white guy in a red suit", explains Skquall. Selina Kitt then adds, "We're not eCoca-Cola you know."

PSU has since turned a major profit on expanding into the personal delivery service industry.


Issue 4: Parra Sapper Unit & Area 69
Even our reporter had to pause after reading this section.

Die Ware Naboom had recently made reference to Petrus Padda commenting (or rather, not really commenting) on the secret work of the PSU military unit, known by their code name, Parra Sapper Unit. Government only acknowledges their existence by the more public name, Third Parra Militia.

Extremely versatile in their field of expertise, the Third Parra Militia has, among other things, refined the art of dam busting. However, after officials had let slip that the unit might be recruiting, and regular citizens confusing the 086-CALL-PSU number with Third Parra, action had to be taken.

Insiders revealed that the PSU (the Military Unit) was pulled from their secret task. However, our source indicated that they are now assigned to Area Sixty-Nine, where strange sightings of erotic constellations have reportedly been witnessed over the skies of the Kalahari desert. Our entertainment columnist simply dismissed these claims as residual artifacts of the PSU Beerfest programme.


Issue 5: Twilight Sparkle
A group of PSU supporters (not to be confused with supporters of the Patriot and Sovereignty Union), have pitched tents at the doors of the new PSU (specifically the Patriot and Sovereignty Union) Operations Centre in Johannesburg.

The group of protestors claim to be called the 'Cult of the Pretty Sparkly Unicorn', and is unexpectedly, not against Twilight Sparkle. Being an active member of the Patriot and Sovereignty Party, Twilight Sparkle has been attracting supporters from across the eWorld. Die-hard fans of Ms. Sparkle has since formed the cult, in order to further the cause of Unicorn Enthusiasts everywhere.

They claim that the accronym PSU does not stand for Patriot and Sovereignty Union, but instead that the letters are merely a pseudo-glyph to confuse the public.

Pro-PSU (this time the actual political party) supporters had been picketing close to the usurping PSU group to try and force them to vacate the square in front of the Operations Centre building, with little success. The mayor of Johannesburg had warned that riot police, also known as the Public Security Unit, would be deployed to tackle the Occupy Unicorn supporters.

"It's a horny issue," revealed Totius, who gave up with the hand signals that the group had been employing to make their individual opinions heard. In anticipation of riot police coming in to clear the Occupy Unicorn movement, he started packing up his tent.

Among chants of "P S U ! P S U ! P S U !", one policeman muttered, "Gesundheit."

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~ Another article consumed for eRepublik use