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[GBM] Americans Shocked to learn CoT is not, in fact, a Collapsible Bed

Ziua 1,910, 14:24 Publicat în USA SUA de Paul Proteus
This article is a satire, which contrary to common belief is not a taco



Welcome to Goodbye Blue Monday, your source for all the news the other papers refuse (or don't want) to cover!




Americans shocked to learn CoT is not, fact, a collapsible bed.

Day 1910: Washington DC, eUSA

In the latest news, Americans are collectively coming to the realization that CoT is in fact not a small collapsible bed perfect for guests but instead an acronym for a military alliance in which the US partakes. While CoT officials themselves were unavailable for comment, former American president Fingerguns replied, “No Shit, did anybody actually think that? I think you’re making that up, this paper sucks”.


Just to be clear CoT is NOT a cot

While authorities remain disconnected from the furniture focused public, concerned citizen Malarkey83 was one of many caught off guard by this recent epiphany, quoted as saying “Really? Are you sure? If it’s not a bed maybe it’s a small shelter for livestock or a burrito or something, but cot really doesn’t sound like an alliance” when further pressed Malarkey revealed he thought the recent CoT controversy was more of a “Sleepys vs Posturepedic” issue than an actual policy point.


Totally legit Public Approval graph I didn’t make on MS Paint

In other news, American approval for the CoT alliance has dropped 50 points since the realization that no guests could sleep on it and that it most definitely didn’t match the wallpaper.

What’s next for America? We at Goodbye Blue Monday aren’t quite sure, but we do know we need a new bed!
Note to self, work on punch lines


Local Player Realizes eRepublik isn’t Facebook after 2 years of Playing

Sometime earlier today, Indiana, eUSA

A Mr. Jonathan Doe reported earlier that after two years of playing eRepublik under the moniker “BoogerMan69” he has come to the realization that eRepublik.com is in fact not Facebook. “I must have clicked an ad or something when I was trying to register for facebook, and just gone with it, I mean everyone was an asshole and I didn’t recognize anyone on my friends list, but that’s pretty much how facebook is too, so I didn’t find it that odd”. BoogerMan69 has also credited the shout system, and other similar features as reasons for his confusion. In his two years playing, he has achieved 16 hardworker and 4 Congressional medals as well as “accidentally” becoming President of several small countries. “Yeah screw this, I’m leaving now, man I really thought this was facebook”, BoogerMan69 was reported saying yesterday before logging out forever.

Leading to his realization was the new “eRep v4” login screen that the Admins had secretly shown to citizens


In other words, our photoshop budget got slashed


Elitists Conspire in Global American Conspiracy to keep Goodbye Blue Monday Down



In other words, Hadrian X and ENN have been recognizing quality journalism…
Oh hey, click here to vote for Article of the Month for January!

*Cough*
As I was saying before I interrupted myself, Hadrian and ENN have been recognizing quality journalism, which I’m all for, except not once has the reputable and legitamate Goodbye Blue Monday been recognized for anything! Was it that I didn’t write anything? MAYBE, but that’s certainly not an excuse, as all four of you reading know, GBM is an essential part of eAmericana, and your only source of cutting edge unbiased journalism, so go here and submit this article or any other for article of the week! Now some of my more cynical readers might think this angry rant is actually just advertising ENN…to them I say “shut up” and “have a great day”,

Proteus Out~

Your Moment of Zen:



SEE!? It's topical~



So that wraps up today's Goodbye Blue Monday

Until Next Time,

Stay Sexy


 

Comentarii

Bia Pandora
Bia Pandora Ziua 1,910, 14:26

LOL well done

Oblige
Oblige Ziua 1,910, 14:29



>mfw chart accurately matches public opinion.

jadiv
jadiv Ziua 1,912, 05:24

Yes it does!

Kusuri Uri
Kusuri Uri Ziua 1,910, 14:31

CoT for TWO, that is the question!

TorrinTheGreat
TorrinTheGreat Ziua 1,910, 14:32

Voted,most entertaining read in a while!

Hadrian X
Hadrian X Ziua 1,910, 14:33

"...not once has the reputable and legitamate Goodbye Blue Monday been recognized for anything! Was it that I didn’t write anything? MAYBE, but that’s certainly not an excuse..."

x2

ElvenCRO
ElvenCRO Ziua 1,910, 14:36

lol

Duncan Crowe
Duncan Crowe Ziua 1,910, 14:41

Nice read, I laughed

p/h

Krimpie
Krimpie Ziua 1,910, 14:43

One of the best articles I skimmed in a while

Phoenix Quinn
Phoenix Quinn Ziua 1,910, 14:44

I am shocked I tell you, shocked.

Thanks for this excellent expose.

Trogdorthetroll100
Trogdorthetroll100 Ziua 1,910, 14:50

I'm still confused. CoT isn't a bed?

Drew Blood
Drew Blood Ziua 1,910, 14:51

Oh my God...flabbergasted I am....

Fitisin
Fitisin Ziua 1,910, 15:02

Ha ha! That's an awesome read. Thanks for writing this!

BugsBunnyz
BugsBunnyz Ziua 1,910, 15:04

Haha!

Bia Pandora
Bia Pandora Ziua 1,910, 15:05

This monumental exhibition of writing has been submitted to [ENN] for consideration for the Writer of the Week. May the force be with you.

Milan Milankovic
Milan Milankovic Ziua 1,910, 15:23

Very funny!

Marxus
Marxus Ziua 1,910, 15:24

I was certain this news of COT meant I had a place to take a nap during work!

Kishvier
Kishvier Ziua 1,910, 15:32

Great work as always, Paul.

FirstLaw
FirstLaw Ziua 1,910, 16:00

Yumm! That's good satire!

Malarkey83
Malarkey83 Ziua 1,910, 19:36

Haha...great article Paul

stewy
stewy Ziua 1,910, 19:39

wth have i been sleeping on then..

Mystela
Mystela Ziua 1,910, 20:39

I love when you write like this. o/

Talostastic
Talostastic Ziua 1,910, 22:00

Voted for the title, commented for the content.

ligtreb
ligtreb Ziua 1,911, 00:15

No way.

Jefferson Locke
Jefferson Locke Ziua 1,911, 04:30

Love me some Blue Monday!

Renzo Gamer
Renzo Gamer Ziua 1,911, 04:49

Hilarious, Voted & Subbed!

beerman616
beerman616 Ziua 1,911, 05:40

I need a nap.

bobok12345678
bobok12345678 Ziua 1,911, 07:06

sell the key to bitdefender internet security 2013 for a 1 year

fingerguns
fingerguns Ziua 1,911, 10:25

If this doesn't win article of the week, then why do we even play?

Alastor DoUrden
Alastor DoUrden Ziua 1,911, 14:12

This is a great article

Kemal Ergenekon
Kemal Ergenekon Ziua 1,911, 16:52

v s

Darian Dracona
Darian Dracona Ziua 1,911, 17:37

v s lol'd to death... great read

Gulitiwi
Gulitiwi Ziua 1,911, 17:56

voted!

Raven Anarcho
Raven Anarcho Ziua 1,914, 20:57

v

 
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