WHPR [Day 1,304] - Apocalypse Now

Day 1,304, 12:21 • Published in USA USA • by James S. Brady Press Room


Before we get into the massive amounts of updates and their ever-increasing import, WHPR’s recent radio silence must be explained.

Firstly, I, Chutley, was given the task of supplying you with the next issue of WHPR. The very next day, eRepublik imploded. I can only assume these events were related.

Yes, the eRepublik world suffered an apocalyptic shift. An E-Day, if you will. Concurrent with the ensuing chaos, politics stagnated, somewhat due to our having to adjust to the abolishment of Worker Skill, addition of Town Halls, and the mysterious inaccessibility of the forums.






Ok, enough self-indulgence. On to what really matters: the fake news:




Index

1. Militaristics
2. Domesticistics
3. Changistics





1. MILITARISTICS - US AND THEM

Theme Song

Us:

The good news: we liberated Virgina!
The bad news: Spein is retaliating.

eAmericans – I implore you: GO ALL OUT IN VIRGINIA.

Sidenote: You may be asking yourself, “Did Chutley really just misspell “Spain?” The answer is yes, however, please note that the misspelling allows you to make a very relevant perfect anagram: “Penis.” I think you will all agree that this explains why ePenis is continually attempting to penetrate an area that is dangerously close to being spelled “Vagina.”




Moving on to less sexual activity, we must offer a large thank you to Jesser and Poland for helping us recover Colorado. Celebration at Casa Bonita, anyone?





Them:

Russia may have lost the Cold War, the space race, and the 1980 Winter Olympics, but they are finally making up for it by getting back on the map in eRepublik and are slowly gaining back regions.





2. DOMESTICISTICS

You may have noticed that taxes have been altered. Changes include lowering both Value Added Taxes and Income Taxes, and increasing Import Taxes. If you have any questions about what that means, ask someone else. I’m just a journalist.





We have also taken steps to increase our nation’s efficiency regarding immigration policies. A new Director will be appointed soon who will no doubt do an incredible and timely job of accepting deserving foreign citizens and, more importantly, crushing the hopes of those who wish to tarnish or harm our great country.

So, give us your tired, your poor, and your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, but please keep your douchebags.







Yesterday we held our monthly elections for Party President. Congratulations to Stanley Ibcus (USWP), cccimelihmessiccc (iNCi), Mourning Star (Feds), Halliman (AMP), Ethan Deluca (AWP), Marxus (Libs), and Professor Oak (Official Pokemon Party). Congrats also to the new PP’s of the SFP, UIP, and all of the other venerable smaller parties. I salute you all.





3. CHANGISTICS

Today our eWorld endured another major change. Please note the most important points:

1) After you have recovered all of your health (ie, health remaining to recover = 0), your recovery amount starts anew in 6 hours. A timer keeps you update😛



2) This reset does not base itself on day-change.

3) It now becomes even more imperative that you obtain adequate supplies to maximize your damage every 6 hours.

CRoy does an excellent job of explaining the changes in detail. Please read his post carefully.





That does it for me. Hope you enjoyed my first WHPR post. Feel free to leave me positive feedback below. If you have negative feedback, shut the hell up. Also:


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Cavemanly,
Chutley
Primitive Thinking




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