What you thinking about Wook? [Issue 2]

Day 2,018, 18:19 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by WookieO

So what’s been rattling around my head this week you’re asking?

Well…this week I visited a very nice Portuguese restaurant in which my wife and I were entertained by a couple arguing for the duration of their meal!



Have I had a chance to think about anything worth writing about though? Well…probably not, but I’m going to anyway.

Do lobsters dream of sexy shellfish?

In the aforementioned Portuguese restaurant was a small fish tank full of lobsters and crabs, all of whom were ready to be picked by greedy customers like myself before being cooked up and eaten in front of their friends.



Whilst sitting there chomping on my prawns and sucking down a few oysters I watched the lobsters and the crabs getting more and more nervous. I wondered if they weren’t food-to-be, perhaps they might have had plans for the future.

Did the big bugger at the front maybe have a childhood sweetheart back in the ocean? Had I, in my desire to eat superb seafood, separated this poor sod from his beloved?? Was I in fact a heartless monster???



However my thoughts on this matter suddenly disappeared when the immense platter of steaming lobster, crab, mussels, clams and prawns arrived. I quickly picked up the shell cracker, gave a small nod to the surviving crustaceans in the tank, and got stuck in to my meal.

How does Terry Wogan fit into all of this? And why is he interviewing you?

As anyone who has watched The Commitments will know, when you’ve hit the big time, you have to get interviewed by Sir Terry…preferably whilst in the bath…




And with my glorious debut in one of Chaz’s Skatalites articles this week I feel that I must have now hit the BIG time.



Terry Wogan: So Wook, now that you’ve made it, what are your plans for the future?

Wook: Well Terry, I’m glad you asked. I joined the Skatalites last week and boy has it been fun! The party has grown enormously, I’ve listened to some absolutely spiffing music and now our Vice Chief of Ska, WayneKerr, is running for the top spot in the eUK government!

TW: Well slap my thigh and call me Jesus! That’s an almighty logjam (but not butjam) of events in just a short space of time...is your fur covered brain up to the pressure of being in one of the coolest, most ska-tastic political parties the eUK, nay the eWorld, has ever seen???

Wook: Oh yes Terry. You see the philosophy behind the Skatalites is that we’re busy and on the ball when we want to be, but if we fancy having a sit down, perhaps a small mooch for an hour or so, then that’s bleedin’ awesome. Take it easy and stuff gets done eventually...that’s not our motto...I don’t think we have a motto actually, unless it’s “Chaz and Wayne rule, ok?”

TW: Is there any chance I could join the Skatalites Wook?

Wook: We don’t discriminate against anyone Terry, honestly we’re incredibly open. I mean, they let me in and I used to be a confirmed sexual deviant with a Barbara Windsor/Sandi Toksvig threesome fetish that once got me kicked out of BBC Television Centre after I stormed the filming of an episode of Call my Bluff clutching a full size cardboard cut out of Babs and screaming “Sandi, I want your body now, give it to me so Babs can watch!”



TW: Blimey, that sounds, errrrmmmm, different.

Wook: Indeed Terry, I was one huge bundle of pent up sexual tension...but now I have the Skatalites and all my troubles have flown away on a massive budgie.

TW: To be sure, to be sure. Well Wook, it was marvellous interviewing you on this fine evening and I hope to catch up with you soon.

Wook: Thanks Terry. I’ll be spending the rest of the night sticking up these rather lovely “Wayne4CP” posters all over London and thinking about how wonderful it would have been if I’d had the opportunity to play the stunt bikini for Kelly Brook in Piranha 3D.



TL😉R
Sexy lobsters
Terry Wogan
Skatalites good
Wayne4CP