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Potpourri

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"You're only lonely if you're not there for you."

-- Phil McGraw


Jokes

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Mr. Johnson's wife of fifty years suggested they take a cruise. "We could go somewhere for a week, and make wild love like we did when we were young." He thought it over and agreed.

He went to the pharmacy and bought a bottle of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant. Upon returning home, his wife said. "I've been thinking, there's no reason we can't go for a month."

Mr. Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for 12 bottles of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant.

When he returned his wife said, "Since the children are on their own, what's stopping us from cruising the world?" He went back and bought
200 bottles of seasick pills and more tubes of lubricant.

The pharmacist finally had to ask: "You know, Mr. Johnson, I don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why the hell do you do it?"

-o-o-o-o-

Two drunks were driving down the road. The first drunk looked over to the other drunk and says, "I think we are getting closer to downtown."

The second drunk says, "How can you tell?"

The first drunk says "We're hitting more and more people."

-o-o-o-o-

Mackenzie, 6, was telling her grandmother about the little bump on her face. "This is my beauty mark," Mackenzie said.

"I have some, too," her grandmother replied.

"No," Mackenzie replied, "yours are wrinkles!"

-o-o-o-o-

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.