Funnies

Day 2,517, 21:48 Published in USA USA by seeker1

For this week I would like to share some jokes! I hope you enjoy them 😃

Police officer pulls over a married couple for driving over the speed limit.
“Sir do you know you were driving at 100 mph?” Asks the cop to the driver.
“Officer, I had my cruise control set at 80 mph. Your radar gun must require calibration.” replied the driver
The driver’s wife without lifting her head from knitting says, “Honey, we don’t have cruise control in this car. You’re lucky your radar detector went off when it did.”

The driver now annoyed, calmly tells his wife to keep quiet.
The cop hands the driver a speeding ticket and a ticket for illegal radar detector.
“Sir, do you know its a $75 dollar ticket for not wearing your seatbelt?” asked the cop.
“Officer, I was wearing my seatbelt, but unbuckled it to take out my drivers id.”
To which the wife says, “Honey, stop lying you never wearing the seatbelt.”
Driver, now angry, yells at his wife, “Shut up! I dont want to hear another word from you!”
Cop asked the wife, “Ma’am does he always talk to you like that?”
Without blinking she replies, “Only when he is drunk.”



This next joke is an old hunting joke.

Two hunters out in the woods.
One of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"



Here is a dad joke for you.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to be me before he kicked the bucket.
He said, "Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

Potentially Vs. Realistically
A boy asks his father what the difference between potentially and realistically is. The father tells the son to ask his mom if, she would sleep with Brad Pitt for $1 million dollars. Then ask the same question to his older sister and brother.
The boy goes and asks his mom the question. The mom says “ofcourse, I would! With a million dollars, we pay off the house and sent you kids to college.”
The sister replies, “Of course, I love Brad Pitt!”
and the brother answers with, “yea, do you what you can buy with a $1 million dollars?”
The son thinks about the question and a few days later go to his father. The father asks if he figured out what it means. The son says he thinks he understands, “Potentially we are sitting on $3 million dollars and realistically we live with 2 prostitutes and a fag.”



I hope you have enjoyed them as much as I did!

O7
LTG Vrpanch
XO, Airborne

Airborne

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