[EDEN] One Presidential Medal up for Auction, Also Zombies

Day 1,077, 11:14 • Published in Russia Greece • by Greek Ministry of Health
My fellow Edenites,

It is with great pleasure that we at the EDEN Headquarters present to you the opportunity to become president of a nation without putting in all that boring and hard work with campaigning, kissing minors, pretending to care about other people's problems, white knighting, kissing butt, and all that other pig disgusting stuff that people do to aquire the keys to the country. Now, with no hit to your ego and convictions, you too can have what you've always lusted over. And the greatest part is that you don't even have to do a good job.

Yes, because caring about things is difficult and boring, your ever-vigilant leaders in Eden have constructed a way for you, yes you to become president of your very own puppet country.

Does it sound too good to be true? You bet your sweet Croatian ass it does.

"So Eden, what's the catch?" you ask politely.

Well, you will have to pay gold for it. We can't simply give out presidential medals willy-nilly now, that would make us communists. So we'll have a little auction to sell it off to you fine people. Billy Mays here will explain the rest. Billy?




THANKS EDEN. HI, BILLY MAYS HERE, BACK FROM THE DEAD TO PROMOTE ANOTHER GREAT PRODUCT BROUGHT TO YOU BY EDENITE CREATIONS LLC. WHILE MY NECROMANCING FRIEND WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT THIS GREAT PRODUCT, I WAS TELLING HEATH LEDGER'S REANIMATED CORPSE THAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE PRESIDENT OF A PUPPET COUNTRY. HERE'S WHY:

AS A RICH AND INDUSTRIOUS MAN, I'VE ALWAYS ENJOYED THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE, SUCH AS NOT SUCKING OTHER MEN OFF TO CONVINCE THEM TO LET ME RULE THEM. NO, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE KIND OF GUY WHO LAYS MY MALICIOUS MAN MEAT UPON UNSUSPECTING VICTIMS IN MY QUEST FOR WORLD DOMINATION. I'D SAY MORE, BUT GEORGE ZIMMER WOULD MOST LIKELY SEVER MY HEAD IF I DID, AS THE LAW DICTATES IN INSTANCES OF COPYWRITE INFRINGEMENT COMMITTED BY ZOMBIES.

ANYWAYS, AS A MAN WHO VALUES HIS VIRGIN MOUTH, I'VE ALWAYS FOUND IT DIFFICULT TO EXCELL IN THE POLITICAL ARENA. WELL NOT ANYMORE. THANKS TO EDEN CREATIONS LLC, I CAN RULE MY OWN PUPPET COUNTRY WITH AN IRON, MYTHRIL, OR EVEN A PUBLIUS FIST. IT'S MY PUPPET COUNTRY, I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!

THIS PRODUCT IS GUARANTEED TO WORK 100% OF THE TIME. EDEN HAS PLANS TO PTO BOTH RUSSIA AND PORTUGAL, AND WE ALL KNOW THAT WITH ALL THE COUNTRIES THAT PENIX IS PTOING RIGHT NOW, THEY SIMPLY CAN'T AFFORD THE MAN POWER. SO ACT NOW AND SEND THE MAN BEHIND THESE GLORIOUS PTO'S, ROD DAMON A MESSAGE SIMILIAR TO THE ONE PROVIDED BY ME BY 1600 ON THE 2ND FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO BE KING OF THE MOUSTACHIOED MEN.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'M GOING TO GO RAVISH ZOMBIE BRITTANY MURPHY UNTIL HER HEAD FALLS OFF.




Thanks Billy.

As Billy said, simply send Eden's PTO man, Mr Damon, a message detailing how much you're willing to spend to acquire Portugal, and the highest bidder, of course, will become a mustachioed monster. This must be done by 16:00 eRepublik time tomorrow, so act now.


BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE

That's right, we're also PTOing Russia. SEES, our favorite troll/social movement in the US is sponsoring our PTO of Russia.


IN SOVIET SEES, COUNTRY TROLL YOU!

In a private auction in the Eden Headquarters, Romanian Alpho won the presidential medal, and paid a hefty price for it. However, afterwards he told us that the joke was on us, as his first born son was a nerd. We swallowed our pride and accepted that we'd been outsmarted. We'll still be voting alpho in Russia under the Soviet SEES Party while we taste the forbidden fruit that we've recently acquired.

tl;dr:
-Message Rod Damon with your bid on CP of Portugal
-100% money back guarantee on CP of Portugal
-Vote alpho in Russia
-We reanimated Billy Mays
-CP jokes in a CP thread
-Eden was here, Penix are losers


Your faithful servant,
~Emerick

All hail the Mastercard Empire