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Silly Jake

With two days to go until the Party President Elections Jake Lee Blakeway of the BDP stupidly requested that I interview him in regards to his political ambitions. Who am I to deny someone the inhumane treatment they so desperately crave.

Unfortunately the interview could not occur in the usual newspaper offices as the proverbial had hit the fan and it was elephant sized, not pleasant. Some decorating was needed plus Woldy wanted to equip the building with weaponry and defences in preparation for the Argies. I said to Woldy “Do what you want mate, I’m off, going to get myself a Brazilian and lounge around”, sadly there was a misunderstanding in communication and he thinks I am having a spa day and getting my bikini line done.

So I found an empty office in WRP HQ, I say empty, Aaron and Gali were curled up asleep together on the office floor snoring “Hmm, Banter, Banter, Banter”. With Aaron awake he insisted on some draconian security checks before letting a non-party member in the building, something about probing. Frankly, Jake’s face was a picture when Aaron proclaimed “Look no hands!”, we all fell about laughing.


The Interview

With the Banter Brigade ushered away and Jake sitting suitably uncomfortable in his seat, the interview could begin.

1. Firstly thank you for your time and a nice easy opening question for you. For those who are too lazy to read can you sum up your manifesto in a nutshell?

A plan for success for everyone in the eUK and a more open government, as well as a good working relationship with the other parties. Essentially, I am promoting a unified government, not a broken, bickering one. I think that is short. I could go on, but that would defeat the point of short xD.

2. You certainly have caused a stir in recent days attracting both positive and negative comments. How do you perceive the reaction you have received to your articles and manifesto?

The reaction has been mixed, but then again, I always expected that sort of response, to quote Taylor Swift; haters gunna hate. Most people seem to have taken it well, a lot of people, included seasoned veterans have been impressed with what they have seen and see a bright future for myself. Of course, I have had some opposition; some people have stated what i have done has been a bit overboard. I have to disagree however. The party presidency role is very important. The PP is responsible for the setting the direction of the party, as well as promoting its success within the congress elections. If you have a Party Leader that has no grand plan, or political direction… you have a stagnant party achieving nothing.

3. There has been a lot of talk about you being a new player and that you don’t understand how the game works. What is your response to that criticism?

It is a valid point. I am new here. However I think being new has its advantages. I don’t see being new as a massive penalty. During my time here I have met some incredible people who have given me soooo many tips and advice. I think if people will see beyond this however. Everyone was new once, what is more important is my passion to do well here. And I am confident that most people will want to welcome another active member of the community.

4. In your manifesto you state you will encourage a free market yet wish to control the gold price. This seems to contradict the notion of a free market and how do you plan to not stifle a free market and how feasible is it to control the price of gold?

A fully free market can be a dangerous thing and the government should have access to tools to be able to regulate those prices. While I believe in a overall free market, I also believe that gold is too precious a resource to be able to leave completely to market forces and supply and demand. As for the feasibility of controlling the price of gold; it will be difficult, the supply of gold means we would need to have a large reserve of gold which in itself is costly. This sort of plan would need to be carefully planned out, with a multi-party committee overseeing the process to ensure that every party is satisfied with the purchases.

5. If you win the election and become leader of the BDP, what is your vision for the party?

My vision for the BDP is to turn it from that quiet stagnant fifth place party and transform it into a frontline, engaging party putting politics and a stable eUK before anything else. While I understand that is a gross undertaking, I also understand that this would require more than one Party Presidency term. This election boils down to two main choices for the BDP; whether to carry on being a stagnant fifth place party with Bruce Wayne as the vice president. Or, a chance for change, and an exciting opportunity to turn the BDP into something so much more than it is now.

6. What do you think the future holds for the eUK?

I think the eUK has a tough time ahead being honest. eArgentina is a colossal threat and something needs to be done. I think we have issues regarding certain people within the party political system that need to be resolved. I think our biggest and most daunting task, is trying to grow our player base in a game that is generally in decline. To avoid slipping into decline, we need to be able attract top talent, and that is going to be our biggest hurdle; convincing veterans that the eUK is the best place for them to be.

7. Finally, all the previous questions have been unimportant this is the critical one. Mankinis, for or against?

Okayyyyy… Against. Well. Not totally against. I would only really accept the idea of a mankini if we were allowed to do cheesy and bad Borat impressions. If not, then I am against them as they are the spawn of satan. Seriously… who’s idea was it to create mankinis? It was almost as if a jealous man looked at a woman at the beach one day and went ‘ I want my own bikini’. A man should never reveal that much skin… unless he has a six pack… then that is totally different story xD

Final Thoughts

I wish to apologise to Jake for his treatment i.e. the alien abduction scenario. You may wish to seek medical advice as you may now be with child, well, some sort of alien hybrid whose first words will be “Banter”. I want to assure people that Aaron isn’t normally like that but I think he and Gali found the catnip that day.

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TL, DR
- Banter
- More banter
- Serious stuff
- Yawn
- Fell asleep
- End on banter