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You know you've had too much coffee or one too many red bulls when:

You answer the door before people knock.

You ski uphill.

You speed walk in your sleep.

You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

You lick your coffeepot clean.

You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

You chew on other people's fingernails.

Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."

You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.

You can jump-start your car without cables.

Cocaine is a downer.

You don't need a hammer to pound nails.

Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."

You don't sweat, you percolate.

You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realise it's not plugged in.

People get dizzy just watching you.

Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

Instant coffee takes too long.

You channel surf faster without a remote.

You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.

You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.

You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.

You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."

You get drunk just so you can sober up.

You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.

Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.

You can't even remember your second cup.

You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."

Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.