The News at One with Johannes Cauf: Fake News Edition
Day 3,554, 18:03
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Published in Ireland 
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by
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by Johannes Cauf
Good morning Gentlemen and Ladies! it's me Cat Boyd here with the News at Two with Cat Boyd and boy do we have some interesting topics for this morning
First of all, my many thanks to the ILP for once again saving Ireland from doom yesterday, I am proud to be a Labourer and any other party is pathetically undemocratic. I will be having a sit down for my 'Cold Seat, Back to Back' with ILP party president and congress majority leader Won't-Daughter Hopeless Blacksmith in the next show.
Now the second thing that I am just hearing of now from my editors is that the latest straw polls have just come in and I can now reliably inform you that Kohannes Dauf has just lost the leadership contest for the Irish Dictatorial Front as his oppoonent nets 59 percent of the vote.
This news comes at an awkward time for the fire spewing ultra-nationalist as he had been noted to claim numerous times in his speeches that he had the support of the party majority and that his opponent Hexbright had no significant support within the IDF.
It remains to be seen if Cauf's faction will split off from the main party or if President Hexbright will be able to negotiate a peace to keep his party united.
Now it's time for a word from our sponsors, Innocent Corporation. we'll be back after the Advertisement!
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Welcome Back Everybody! our next guest tonight has been quoted as saying "No one dictators better than the Cauf" and had led the Irish Dictatorial Front for 20 years as Party President for Life, Please Boo; Kohannes Dauf!
K
CB: Your Welcome Mr Dauf, Now tell me; how did you become President of your party?
K
CB: A lot of your critics have called you the Rylde of the East
K
CB:Anything you'd like to say to our readers?
K
CB:Thank you for coming
K
Was this article boring? yes. Am I writing this half drowsy and a little drunk? maybe.But I had the idea and decided to execute it. I shall likely polish the article some other time or simply leave it here as a testament to my half cooked article ideas.
Long Live Eire!
-Johannes Cauf
First of all, my many thanks to the ILP for once again saving Ireland from doom yesterday, I am proud to be a Labourer and any other party is pathetically undemocratic. I will be having a sit down for my 'Cold Seat, Back to Back' with ILP party president and congress majority leader Won't-Daughter Hopeless Blacksmith in the next show.
Now the second thing that I am just hearing of now from my editors is that the latest straw polls have just come in and I can now reliably inform you that Kohannes Dauf has just lost the leadership contest for the Irish Dictatorial Front as his oppoonent nets 59 percent of the vote.
This news comes at an awkward time for the fire spewing ultra-nationalist as he had been noted to claim numerous times in his speeches that he had the support of the party majority and that his opponent Hexbright had no significant support within the IDF.
It remains to be seen if Cauf's faction will split off from the main party or if President Hexbright will be able to negotiate a peace to keep his party united.
Now it's time for a word from our sponsors, Innocent Corporation. we'll be back after the Advertisement!
Advertisement Warning: The Following Advertisement will be filled with Capitalism, No Commies allowed past this point, fools!.
You were out philibustering, you feel terrible and lightheaded. Well that's because you've been using our competitor's products fool!
Use the Innocent Brand rhetoric today for a change in your audience like you've never seen before.
Innocent,Your Personality might suck, But your rhetoric won't.
ThisproducthasbeensponsoredbyRTKandusedinhispoliticalcampaigns
Always read the Label.
Welcome Back Everybody! our next guest tonight has been quoted as saying "No one dictators better than the Cauf" and had led the Irish Dictatorial Front for 20 years as Party President for Life, Please Boo; Kohannes Dauf!
K
😨Thank you for the welcome Cat
CB: Your Welcome Mr Dauf, Now tell me; how did you become President of your party?
K
😨is Simple, I stole Party Treasury and fill Cabinyet seats with Olygarchs
CB: A lot of your critics have called you the Rylde of the East
K
😨Rylde was Siberian Kitten, I am Siberian Tiger;stronger and fiercer
CB:Anything you'd like to say to our readers?
K
😨Yez, Vote IDF in your next elections and you'll never need to vote again
CB:Thank you for coming
K
😨Your welcome Cat
Was this article boring? yes. Am I writing this half drowsy and a little drunk? maybe.But I had the idea and decided to execute it. I shall likely polish the article some other time or simply leave it here as a testament to my half cooked article ideas.
Long Live Eire!
-Johannes Cauf
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