[USCMU] I Am The Law: Derphoof is New God

Day 3,049, 09:06 • Published in USA USA • by Derphoof

The Peace of Dio be upon you, brothers and sisters. For today, a great future has been destined unto us from the mighty one who created the sands. He has blessed us thus far with unrelenting stability and the bounteous gain of 10/10/10 resources within our borders. However, Dio has greater plans for we, his faithful people.

Yesterday, your representatives in Congress voted in approval to change how our Military Dictatorship works. Previously, the USAF was the MU used for dictatorship. However, this is no longer the case. The text of the law has been changed as follows:

“The current sitting President (at the time of the passing of this bill) shall, using the United States Civilian Military Unit, launch a so-called "Military coup" from the Capitol State of Colorado, and

The 200,000 cost of launching this coup be supplied to United States Civilian Military Unit from the Congressional Budget Office, and

Any future Country President who has been elected will, following protocol to be codified by this congress, be given the CO position of United States Civilian Unit thereby establishing him as the new ingame "Dictator"”

However, upon examination of the MU’s in our nation, I realized there is no “United States Civilian Military Unit.” There is only the “eUS Civilian Unit.”

Therefore, on this day, March 26 2016, I have changed the name of my MU, “The Broforce,” to “United States Civilian Military Unit.” This makes my MU the new vehicle for the democratic dictatorship.

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

The law states that the CP be given the title of CO for the “United States Civilian Unit.” However, this is not the name of my MU, so I don’t need to give it to him.

This makes me the CO of the dictatorial military unit, and the de facto dictator of our nation.


You may remember The Broforce from our Revolutionary escapades back in March of 2015. We are proud to say that our long-term strategic play of doing absolutely nothing has paid off for us once again.

Once, the Broletariat were an oppressed class, seething with anger underneath the iron rod of the bourgeoisie elite of our nation. Now, the Broletariat rises to become the Broligarchs, seizing the means of production from the powerful PFEIFFERIST ELITES.

Blessed by the grace of Dio (sand be upon him), we are rising to new heights and powers unforeseen in the history of man.

As dictator, I hereby declare a Dioist Caliphate and shall embark on an endeavor to use this nation as a vehicle to create a global caliphate, whose reach shall span the ends of the Earth.

We shall do this by spreading the Dioist values of friendship, peace, and tolerance amongst the nations of the world. The greatest of these values is peace. However, this does not mean that we will be a peaceful nation which seeks no conflict. For it is said in the Book of Dio:

“Peace is not the absence of conflict; it's the absence of inner conflict.“

We shall spread the Book of Dio to hostile nations and assimilate them into our Dioist nation, inviting them to share in his love. Pax Pakistani shall spread across the land, in an attempt to bring peace to all the world. For inside our borders, there shall be no clash of ideologies. There shall be no strife. There shall only be peace, love, and tolerance.


Furthermore, in a continuation of the Rainy Revolution, she shall be granted complete control over our taxation policies. She will use a random number generator to select a number between 1 and 25. That number shall be our tax rate for the next day.

Based on prior actions in which he showed steadfast leadership, Aramec will be named as our Permanent Secretary of Citizenship Approvals and SCI staffing.

Saraht0ga will be named Secretary of Citizen Activity and Retention.

Rainy Sunday is our new High Priestess of Dio, our new Virgin Vestal.

Tenshibo is our eternal Secretary of Swag.

Paul Proteus is to be declared Dictabro, the right hand of the Caliph.

Pfeiffer and Oblige are now to be named Co-COs of the USAF, which will be renamed “Butthurt INC.”

We love Dio with all our being, and I encourage each of you to find him, and spread his love throughout the Earth. Only through love can peace be established.

Join us, as we establish worldwide Dioism.

“I believe in the sun, even though it is slow in rising.
I believe in you, without realizing.
I believe in rain, though there are no clouds in the sky.
I believe in truth, even though people lie.
I believe in peace, though sometimes I am violent.
I believe in Dio Brando, even though he is silent.”
Book of Dio, Chapter 11