US & Russia Welcome Latvia, Redraw Globe
Day 2,436, 17:56
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Published in USA 
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by
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by OfficerFriendly
BREAKING NEWS
The United States of America and the Russian Federation have officially welcomed Latvia into their Alliance. The Alliance is called Pacifica, and seeks to formalize the long-time positive relations between the United States and Russia. Latvia’s key position as a Baltic nation, and their reputation for being one feisty little son-of-a-bitch, played an important part in their becoming a member of this historic Alliance. We wish them well in their new clique.
In other, apparently unrelated, news, the United States and Russia have also teamed up to change the world forever, literally! They’ve officially redrawn the globe, stating, “We’ve always thought that bit of water above Russia was basically the same as all the other water next to it. And, we’ve finally decided it’s time the rest of the world realize that, as well. This has nothing to do with Latvia... Really... We promise.”
The new, official world globe, as released by the Pacifica International Geographical Society (PIGS) completely eradicates what was previously known as the “Arctic Ocean” and instead extends the Pacific Ocean all the way around Scandinavia. The PIGS had this to say about the new map “We’re really excited that all these countries can now realize they actually share the same ocean as the US and Eastern Russia; countries like Estonia, Lithuania, and… that other one.”
Eurasia, as told by PIGS
When asked about possible further changes to the globe, the PIGS said “We’ve always thought that Western France was basically just the Eastern United States. We’ll definitely be looking into making this a reality in the near future.”
That’s all for this evening edition of Friendly Advice! Make sure to tune in next time for our full-length special, “Are Serbs People Too?”
No. No they’re not…
Goodnight!
The United States of America and the Russian Federation have officially welcomed Latvia into their Alliance. The Alliance is called Pacifica, and seeks to formalize the long-time positive relations between the United States and Russia. Latvia’s key position as a Baltic nation, and their reputation for being one feisty little son-of-a-bitch, played an important part in their becoming a member of this historic Alliance. We wish them well in their new clique.
In other, apparently unrelated, news, the United States and Russia have also teamed up to change the world forever, literally! They’ve officially redrawn the globe, stating, “We’ve always thought that bit of water above Russia was basically the same as all the other water next to it. And, we’ve finally decided it’s time the rest of the world realize that, as well. This has nothing to do with Latvia... Really... We promise.”
The new, official world globe, as released by the Pacifica International Geographical Society (PIGS) completely eradicates what was previously known as the “Arctic Ocean” and instead extends the Pacific Ocean all the way around Scandinavia. The PIGS had this to say about the new map “We’re really excited that all these countries can now realize they actually share the same ocean as the US and Eastern Russia; countries like Estonia, Lithuania, and… that other one.”
Eurasia, as told by PIGS
When asked about possible further changes to the globe, the PIGS said “We’ve always thought that Western France was basically just the Eastern United States. We’ll definitely be looking into making this a reality in the near future.”
That’s all for this evening edition of Friendly Advice! Make sure to tune in next time for our full-length special, “Are Serbs People Too?”
No. No they’re not…
Goodnight!
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Voted for truth and making me smile.
Voted 😁
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Bam!
Great article, I'm glad we're taking a stand on that pesky Arctic Ocean issue.
Voted and subd, enjoyed this.
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