The Switzerland Scoop #12

Day 799, 14:31 Published in Switzerland USA by Penguin4512

Hello, one and all! This is my 12th article, and yes, it's me, Penguin4512.
I'm sorry about Schmenguin. He's kind of a moron. My mum talked to me and said I had to give him or job, or else I'm outa the house. Sorry for any unnecessary pain I put you through. I know he's a loser.



Anyway, on to our first order of business, the Congress Elections. My friend Arsonic Zink has written an interesting article on the subject. Click here to see it.

In my opinion, they didn't go so badly. That being said, there could have been a LOT of improvement.
Swiss Population: 824
Number of Voters: 189
Conclusion: What in the bejesus happened?
Other Conclusion: Swiss People do not know enough about politics!

Well, since Swiss people obviously do not know enough about politics, I, Penguin4512, have taken the responsibility upon myself to educate the population about Swiss politics.

Let's get started! I'll begin by identifying the two main political groups in Switzerland.

1) The Shaolins!


2) Just about everyone else!


Well, there you go. Now for Step 2 on Swiss Politics Crash Course.
There are several important political figures in Switzerland. Let me identify them for you.


Name: Eleriel
Gender: CONFIDENTIAL
Occupation: CONFIDENTIAL
Age: CONFIDENTIAL
Comments: CONFIDENTIAL


Name: Errauko
Gender: We were too afraid to ask him
Occupation: Sith Lord and KGB agent
Age: Probably somewhere around 60
Comments: Stay away from him. Prolonged exposure can lead to brain defects, and eventually result in death.


Name: Illestis
Gender: Not really sure
Occupation: Big guns, fast cars, and smoking hot women
Age: At least 18, we hope
Comments: Was not available for interview, too busy getting drunk at a bar or something


You know what... I just can't make fun of this guy. I mean, it's one thing to poke fun at a totally normal person, but I mean this guy has some SERIOUS problems. You just can't make fun of that without sounding like a jerk.

That's all for today. Tune in next article for more people, more politics, and best of all, more ice cream!!!