Join the new world

ALLIANCES
If elected I will hold a raffle. The winner will receive a bottle of moderately-priced champagne and will be my Minister of Foreign Stuff. He/She (probably a He) will get to decide alliance shit.


If elected I will invade France, and restore Woldy as its rightful King. Then conquer Ireland, Canada and possibly the US to pave over it. Then we'll just wing it.

Unlike some other politicians, that I will not name, who just make wild promises that they will never be able to keep. I have devised a cunning plan to achieve these goals. For obvious reasons these plans are Top Secret and so I can't just share them with anyone. Only those who can answer me this riddle will be party to the knowledge.

'What vegetable rhymes with Nurnip?'

COMMUNICATION
If elected I will communicate by using a keyboard to type various messages. You can then look at what I've typed, much like your doing now, and then I'll have communicated.



If elected I intend to make lots of money. This is because we can buy stuff with it. To achieve this I have devised yet another cunning plan. The problem is that money does not grow on trees or in the soil. Therefore I will do away with Pound and instead we shall adopt the Turnip. Now we'll be able to grow money.

To make the transition easier the lab-coats at Spamican HQ have created this handy diagram to explain the process.





If elected I will make sure I have lots of other people to do the work for me so I have plenty of time to watch porn. Anyone who wishes to join the brain-trust need only put there name forward. To make this as fair as possible I shall take no notice of previous experience or of how committed they are. Instead I shall write each applicants name on a post-it note and then stick them to various woodland critters (badgers excluded obviously), and then throw them all into a cabinet for a week. The names attached to the surviving critters after the week will then be randomly given titles and then do whatever a cabinet is supposed to do.