Jokes part 1 - 25 comments please

Day 2,497, 10:59 • Published in United Kingdom Brazil • by sloegin

What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians?
One hundred people who don't do dick.


A man was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.
A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"


At the rate law schools are turning them out, by 2050 there will be more lawyers than humans.


A man working with an electric saw accidentally cuts off all of his fingers. At the emergency room, his doctor says, "Give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."
The injured man repies, "But I don't have the fingers!"
"Why didn't you bring them?" the doctor asks.
The injured man responds, "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."


Why'd the lawyer go to Heaven?
Hell was full.


After Bill Gates wedding night, his wife finally knew why he called his company Microsoft.


Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats?

A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.


Children in the backseat can cause accidents.
Accidents in the backseat can cause children.


Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall?
A: "Dam."


Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor's?
A: It was feeling crummy.


Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a zombie baby?
A: I take off my shoes when I jump on a trampoline.


Where would you learn how to make ice cream?
At Sundae school.


Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"
Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"


Q: What do you get if you cross LSD with birth control?
A: A trip without the kids!


A kid walks by his parents having sex asks what's going on and his mother tells him, “We are making fishsticks”.
The next day the kid says, “Mom were you making fishsticks again?”
And she says “Why, yes, how did you know, honey?”
And the kid replies, “Well, you have a little tarter sauce on your mouth.”