Join the new world

I don't have any jokes for you today.

Coming to this site fills me with this weird melancholy. I used to have lulls while playing this game, but even in those times, I'd always be able to make time for at least the usual two-clicking. Nowadays, I find it hard to get myself to do that.

I think I'm starting to outgrow this place, in my own weird way. Even for the last period of time I was active, I realize I was becoming very lackadaisical, almost completely ironic in the way I presented myself. I suppose that's not exactly how I'd phrase things, but I lack the proper words right now. I'm not always the best judge of myself.

This place used to be a fairly sizable part of my life. Maybe I am just feeling too detached from everything, but I always have this weird habit. I always think about quitting, but never quite get myself there. It feels unnecessary, in a sense, for me to quite go there. At any rate, now I'm looking into getting back into the swing of things, if just for a moment.

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Currently, we're proposing a new dictator. I've offered myself as a candidate, but I'm sure at this point in time, there are others more in the loop than me. Still, I wouldn't mind delving into this realm once more. Maybe for the last time. I cannot tell at the moment.

I'll tell you a little secret. On the internet, I have very little idea about whether or not I am likeable. I'm not sure whether my joking manner for the past two years actually added any fun for anyone. Even if I am likeable, I sometimes feel as though I rub people the wrong way. Rest assured though that I am not despondent over this situation. On the contrary, my life as a whole is quite wholesome. One wouldn't think I have much to be sad about. It is just that when you take the time to think about these sorts of things, it really mellows you out.

Alone.

Truly, I am nothing but dust, and that is okay. I don't know whether I will be picked to be dictator, and frankly don't exactly expect to be first choice. After all, I've just come back from what is essentially a long hiatus AND I'm still in graduate school. I am dust that is under the heel of the foot that grinds us into what is now a spectacularly surreal experience for me. Dust. Georges Bernanos had the right idea. Boredom is like dust. It floats around and is rubbed out into so many fine pieces, that you'd hardly notice them. But you stand still for a moment, and it coats you all over. You breathe it and cannot feel it flowing between the cracks in your teeth. It embeds itself into your lungs and you have to cough. It feels sickly. Is it wrong to take it in? To force ourselves to sit pensively and be alone with our private selves?

But we hate our private selves. We loathe it. So we always are looking for something to do.

I still have eRepublik, I think. So hello again.

-Tom