Irish Joke of the day - One Liners

Day 911, 16:42 • Published in Ireland Ireland • by John Gormley

In this edition, a number of good one-liners:

1: Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

2: The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.

3: An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question? "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

4: Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it. Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time? Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.

5: What do you call a Kerryman on a bicycle?
A dope peddler.

6: How do you recognize a Kerry pirate?
He's got a patch over each eye.

7: A fellow walked into a bar in Dublin and asked the barman if he had heard the latest Kerryman joke,
"I'm warning you," said the barman, "I'm a Kerryman myself."
"That's alright," said the fellow, "I'll tell it slowly."

8: A man hired a Kerryman as an assistant to take phone calls. One day the phone rang and when the Kerryman answered he hung up immediately.
"Who was that?" asked his boss.
"Some fool saying it was a long distance from New York. I told him everybody knew that."

9: Sign in an Irish pub:
"This establishment closes at 11 o'clock sharp. We are open from 10 a.m. until 11 p.m. and if you haven't had enough to drink at that hour the management feels that you haven't really been trying."

10: How do you save a Limerickman from drowning?
You don't know? Good.