Greetings witless peasants.
No doubt you've been wondering ever since my return from the dead (I shudder at how I was violated (in spirit of course) while I was deceased) such questions as, who is this Funky Humanin/Humen/Human/Humn/Hum-n/Hum42n fellow, how does he have such a tactful way with eCanada's elites and how does he pull off that handsome rogue appeal that makes me think of him every time I close my eyes?
Well first off, freak, stop stalking me.
Second, I won't tell you even 1% of what you need to know to answer such questions, as any more would be too much, and I do care that my subjects don't get hurt prematurely.
So we'll have to suffice with one aspect of my time here: my
sexual political conquers.
Contained herein is just a small, but symbolic example of my political efforts over the years, a serious account of the defeated political opponents foolish enough to stand in my way.
Let’s begin with the MDP shall we? When the CPF was barely living, and under the auspices of Aeriala, I knew that little rump political junta would be an intolerable irritant in my quest for universal affection by the masses. So I rounded up a few lads, some Paradoxians, put Aeriala as the frontman and took it over.
Easy and satisfying.
It of course had the double effect of removing Aeriala from the nCPF and showing how much of a fool he was to the country when I supported his run for Presidency.
As the cold and near lifeless nCPF was embraced by my miraculous and gentle hands, I, in my infinite wisdom, knew that the thankless task of returning my party to the top 5 would need something extra to supplement my charisma that unfairly had only been drawing in a trickle of citizens.
So we took some lemons and made lemonade after consuming the Lemon Party membership.
May have been some cannibalism, the details are fuzzy. Doesn't matter, they used to be traitorous French anyway. True story.
Unfortunately, the MDP recovered under Rylde before he went off to Sweden for a second time. Fortunately, it fell to the hands of one, sasha kamm-
Anyway, she became PP, and in her foolishness betrayed our CP nominee SaraDroz after a faux issue with Addy and his EPC (of which Rylde was part of at the time) and withdrew her nomination of Sara in favour of herself. Needless to say, after promising titillating pictures of SaraDroz if he returned, Rylde took the party back and the betrayal was avenged. Sasha was exiled to Australia and has only been allowed back in exchange of some 'favours' to me.
Rylde was given some random hot teacher photos instead. Don't think he cared.
Soon enough, we returned to the Top 5. The political scene became convulsed with our arrival, as we rode our war moose into the ranks of the other parties. The TCOp was brought to its knees after snagging its leader crisfire from its ranks, and harassing its remaining members, before knocking it out of the Top 5 at the last moment on the 24th of a month, all by ourselves.
Moose antlers look nice with crimson and it matches my robes happily enough.
Afterwards, the corrupt, nihilistic and decadent EPIC party represented the final stumbling block to our ascendancy. Left without its masters, the lumbering and leaderless leviathan found itself in danger of PTO after eCanada had been rallied by my criticisms.
Desperate, their elites came to our doorstep and pleaded for me to save them.
Stupid, they forgot Nosyt's arrogant dismissal of our nomination and as I predicted, insulted me as I waited to see if they could resist the calamity that threatened to engulf them.
They of course, crashed and scattered.
Finally, we arrive at my glorious destruction of that smelly barbarian, Tyrael Snow and his narrow-minded AFK. After putting away the previous parties, Tyrael was able to take advantage of the vacuum that the CPF didn't have enough time to fill in before the MDP and the AFK infected our rightful political space.
Rudely disregarding the programmes of the other parties and promiscuously soliciting our members and the leaders of the other parties, he had the gall to betray our first CP in a eon, Jacobi, and attempted to install himself as CP after I had permitted his party to hang on our coat tails. After vanquishing all his attempts for the Presidency, I outlasted him in the end.
Disregard those who say he's having 'technical' difficulties.
I believe his citizen's body is currently rotting somewhere in Winterfell.
I hoped you enjoyed my brief tour, for while there remain many doors still not opened and even though you left your dirty fingerprints on all my decor, I assure you, there is not a successful elite alive who doesn't behave as I do, though all with less style and common sense.
Until I wish to see you again, farewell my elucidated ruffians.
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