California for Gnilraps

Day 1,339, 05:26 • Published in USA USA • by Gnilraps


Department of Shameless Self-Promotion
Day 1,339 of the New World
"I'm reliable sources, I'll tell ya anything you want me to know."
— Tom Waits
Top 10 Reasons to vote for Gnilraps for Congress


10. He hasn't been there done that.

That's right, I am campaigning as an "outsider". The fact that I have not ever accomplished anything in Congress is a major feature of my campaign. (Note: I was elected once a year and a half ago but I sucked).


9. He is Recruitment-Focused.

Look. There isn't a whole lot that Congressmen actually do anyway, when it all comes right down to it. But one thing a Congressman can do while in office is use his seat as a player-Retention tool, encouraging newer players, flattering them even with a little attention from a Congressman. I never see anyone doing this. I will leverage whatever virtual clout comes with being a Congressman to encourage newer players to stick around.


8. He is a Federalist.

OK, if you are not a Federalist then maybe you think this one should be like #10 instead of #8. But the truth is the Federalist Party is responsible for preparing me to succeed in eRepublik. The entire Party has a Mentorship atmosphere, and being brought up in that environment, to eventually leading it... Let's just say I am more qualified Politically than most because the Federalist Party just does things right.


7. He's a Newspaperman.

I still like to think that the Newspaper is the primary vehicle for communication in eRepublik. I run a nice little publishing house here at 16 Shells. Wouldn't it be fun to have a congressman who likes to publish lots? There haven't been too many of those in a while.


6. He's really Tom Waits IRL.

Maybe you don't understand why this is a qualification. I wouldn't either if I weren't so damn Tom Waits. But being Tom Waits IRL makes me uniquely qualified to say to you that RL Tom Waits is who you really want in eCongress.


5. He's smart enough to know when to shut up.


2. He's not going to be a dick.

I don't have any grand illusion about how glorious being in congress is going to be. It's mostly just voting yes on stuff. So the Congressional halls will be safe from (at least in my case) someone trying to change the world. I think there are a few significant things Congress can actually "do", and I intend to keep my mouth shut about anything that Congress actually cannot. Details to come.


1. He will get a bill passed calling for the deportation of Pizza the Hut.

OK, so deportation is not possible in this game. OK, so he's a "9-star General" and "multi-decorated War Hero". OK, so he's a proud member of (whatever) Party (he feels like trying to PTO). OK, so he's single-handedly responsible for everything that is good and great in the New World. OK, so he's always (WAY WAY) right about everything. OK, so his contributions to the eUSA are uncountable (seriously). OK, so everyone seems to love him (for at least 3 minutes). Yet, despite all these wonderful reasons why PtH is a "Truly Great And Glorious American" who "Has The Best Plan" for "Everything", I will work to pass a bill for his deportation to eKenya or eGreenland or ePanama or eViet Nam. They need him more than we do.

0. You are tired of everyone else he is running against.
Endorsements:
The Federalist Party
The United Independents Party
Socialist Freedom Party
The Anonymous Party