I Can Haz Kongress!?!

Day 2,739, 11:56 • Published in Canada Canada • by Lansizzle

Hi kids! It’s the one and only Lansizzle, bringing you the premier source for completely biased information about less than relevant subjects, otherwise known as The Daily Sizzle.

Mood Music

This article will be brief, I promise. Please bear with me, and read on.



I would like to be elected into eCanadian Congress. Here is my manifesto:

If elected to our completely dysfunctional, entirely irrelevant, and utterly useless Congress this session, I promise to do the following things for eCanada and her community -

1. I will drink at least 6 Labatt Blue Beers to celebrate my selection
2. I will cook and eat Canadian Bacon for breakfast at least once
3. I will find organic Canadian Maple Syrup and put it on my pancakes
4. I will watch the NHL playoffs and only cheer for Canadian players
5. I will force myself to listen to Justin Bieber for 1 hour, non-stop
6. I will watch at least 3 movies featuring Canada’s own Ryan Gosling
7. I will belt out “Oh Canada” on the 4th of July, because I can
8. I will visit the Tim Horton’s when it is completed and enjoy a donut
9. I will post one article per week I am in Congress, about… Well, who knows?
10. I can’t do any worse than what is already there, so why not?

So, my fellow eCanadians… Do I have your vote?

Thanks for reading!