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Potpourri

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"Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions."

-- Bill Murray


Jokes

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At a Mass at which some young ladies were to take their finals vows to become nuns, the Bishop presiding noticed two Rabbis enter the church just before the service began. They insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle. The Bishop wondered why they had come, but he didn't have time to inquire before the Mass began.

When it came time for the announcements, the Bishop's curiosity got the better of him. He welcomed the two Rabbis and asked why they had chosen to be present at this occasion where the young ladies were to become the "Brides of Christ."

The elder of the Rabbis slowly rose to his feet and explained, "Family of the Groom."

-o-o-o-o-

While filling up at a gas station, I accidentally spilled gasoline on my shirt. When I went inside to pay, I noticed a woman crinkling her nose.

Embarrassed, I tried to put her mind at ease. "If you smell gas," I said, "it's me."

-o-o-o-o-

One day a bachelor who was a poor tipper walked into his favorite restaurant and ordered lunch. A new waitress served his meal and received a three-cent tip.

When he came in the next day, she thanked him for his generosity, and said she could tell the character of a diner by the way he tipped.

"Well, what could you tell about me?" he asked.

"You put three pennies in a neat row," said the waitress, "and that shows you are a very tidy person. The first penny tells me you are a frugal, and the second tells me that you are a bachelor."

"That's true," he agreed. "But what does the third penny tell you?"

"The third penny tells me your Father was a bachelor, too."

-o-o-o-o-

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.